It's me I am back...

Hey guys,

It's been a while but sooooo many new changes have taken place and I will tell you all about them...

Lets see where am I going to start, I have a boyfriend as of September 14, 2008 he is great his name is Patrick Joseph Golding aka PJ. He treats Alexis like she is his and treats me like a queen and it is truely an awesome feeling, he tries so hard to please me and I don't know why. We met on July 6th, and I was taking pics being me and all going camera happy mom was moving house and he showed up there, well I actually went with his dad to go pick him up from work. He talked to me to put me to the test to see if I was stuck up and as we all know I am not so that went over well. Anyway I thought he was hot and he liked me too, but he has liked me since I was pregnant with Alexis I just had no idea and I was with Jon and things were good so I thought... anyway that is how we met and then I added him to facebook and he messaged me and we went from there and started hanging out and just having fun and then he asked me out I said no a hundred times, but he is a guy and didn't give up and well finally I thought well maybe I should give him a chance and I am glad I did.

Alexis is 25 months old now and is doing wonderful, she is in daycare full time and loves it she can do so many new things now. She can talk in sentences, tells me when she wants to eat, drink, sleep almost anything and she tells me what she is eating and talks alot more it is great having a 2 year old is wonderful! Her Bday went perfect almost a few mishabs but all in all not bad she had a fun time and I am glad she did. PJ did more than enough for her party and she got alot of presents and she loves them all.

School is going great for me I love it so much and doing really good in it and my instructor is awesome he takes the time to listen to us as the students and tries to make us understand what he is teaching anyway he can. I am making really good marks and moving right along and getting everything passed in early it is great!

As for everyone else they are great I talk to my friends when I can and see them when I can but for any one of them that is reading this I miss you all!!! The family is all good and we are loving the new house it is awesome and lots of room for everyone:) I am so glad that I got to help build something so wonderful and pleasant to be in.

I plan on moving after Christmas to either west side or Grand Bay area. I miss Sussex and that is such a nice area and reminds me of home, and on the plus side PJ lives there with his dad. It would make things so much easier to see him because he is quite busy lately so it seems and he tries to see me but never can because, there is always something to be done with his company. So I am trying to make life easier on the both of us even though I miss him like crazy. I would never make things hard on him by making him feel bad I just try not to think about it when he is not here with Alexis and I.

Jon and I are trying to figure out what is best for Alexis and get along and make plans to help her. We came up with that I have her during the week, and one weekend per month, and he has her the other three weekends so we are trying that arrangement and see how it goes. As for Christmas I will have her up to Christmas night and then he will be getting her for a few days after that unless something comes up with my family, and I want to take her with me. So that is all the plans as of right now.

Anyway that is the news and how things are with me as of right now. I am going to try to update more if I can things are just really busy and hectic right now.

G2G Bye!

Update on my life...

Hey guys,

I decided to write to let you all know how I have been doing well me and my family that is. Life really couldn't be better it has taken me a long time to get to where I am at but I am doing it.

Lets see where to start school is awesome I have been doing really well with it this time around. I made 49/50 on my first test and 67/70 on my second test so those marks in my opinion are great! I really enjoy school this time around I have met good ppl and we all help each other. I am really happy and have a good head on my shoulders and Alexis has been awesome.

Talking about Alexis, she is great I love that little girl so much and anyone I meet falls in love with her too it helps it really does. Alexis has her moments not days because that isn't always true but she does have her moments and when that happens I deal with them as best as I can, sometimes I lose my patience but I do try not too with her. She is now 21 months old now and busy as ever she keeps me busy that is for sure I tell ppl that is my "lil' hurricane" I mean she can literally turn my place upside down, but that is ok I don't mind.

I have found there is not enough hours in a day anymore but that is ok because me going back to school is the best thing I could have done I do know that. I am looking into buying a car and having no luck with that yet but that is ok because I know I will find one. Oh yeah I GOT MY LICENSE!!!! Sorry I am just really excited it took me 7 years but I finally got them. I do have to say thanks to Matt and anyone else who encouraged me and always told me I could do it. Thanks so much you all!!!! I love driving and having fun with just me and my little girl it really is awesome and if anyone deserved their license it was me not to sound concieted but it is true.

Anyway I don't want to be on here all night I have a litte girl to play with:) I feel more lucky to have her than anyone will ever know. Oh just before I go the 3 of us seem back to being ok again and talking and dicussing things about Alexis the way it should be. I do have to go but I will try to update when I can.

G2G Bye!!

Friends are they or not???...

Hey guys,

I am writing today to take my fusterations out I don't know where to begin I am so angry, hurt, betrayed, stress... the list could go on forever right now I think. I just don't get one thing why would friends say shit and then pretend to be your friend I guess I won't ever get that... Anyway that is just driving me crazy so I had to get it off my chest.

On with the next thing Jon Alexis father I don't know what is up with him and why he stresses me out I am in school now doing amazingly well loving it and here he and Tami must be jealous and wanting me to fail by stressing me out well let me tell you that isn't going to happen because all these things will just make stronger and make me want to succeed and that is exactly what I am going to do. He tells ppl I need to grow up I think he has it the other way around I did my growing up he is the one that doesn't talk to me when it comes to our daughter so what else am I supposed to do it isn't like I tried bc I did.

School is going awesome I love it I like dropping Alexis off for the 4 hours and then picking her up again with her big Hiiiii Mom Mom Mom!!!!! I just love that and look forward to that bc I know she had a good day and yet she is still happy to see me just as much I am happy to see her and can't wait to go get her after school everyday. I am already done my 1st module and starting my 2nd one today and can't wait. I really love school this time around unlike last time when I think honestly I wasn't ready yet so things are going better this time already.

Alexis is awesome as always and is the love of my life that little girl means everything to me and without her I don't know what I would do she keeps me going, keeps me feeling young and free and gives me the engry to keep up with her she is a normal, active 21 month old ful of energy and always ready to go. I wouldn't have things any other way I love my life the way it is and everything has been going good. I am living my life the way I should have lived it before and loving every minute of it as well.

Anyway I got to be going I need to get ready for school I am running off of only 4 hours of sleep because of everything but I will write again when I can. I will be going to PEI leaving Wednesday either before school or after school and will be back on Sunday I can't wait for everyone to see Lexie again it will be a fun time.

G2G Bye!

Good times...

Hey guys,

I have so much new things to write about it because I havn't updated in a long while I have been just so busy lately...

Lets see where do I begin, well for starters I am now 23 as of June 20th. I had an amazing birthday with my friends we all had a blast I think. Matt has a wicked stereo system and we had fire works they were my favorite and we had food and a fire and just some good laughs it was a blast and I looked at the ppl and said "same time next year?" lol! My friend Matt has his 4 wheeler here and I got to drive it and I took Lisa on it with me and well... we almost tipped it but only the one time and we didn't actually tip it and we had alot of fun that night. The next morning when Lisa and I were cleaning up from my bday bash we were carrying a table back from the firepit and well Lisa tripped I asked her what she tipped on and she goes "umm a hill lmao" It was funny and I love being in the country. I couldn't have asked for a better bday even if I wanted to it was perfect in everyway.

Alexis is 20 months old now so hard to believe, and actually she is closer to 21 months old... which means 3 more months and my little girl will be 2 years old! She is getting so big and she is so smart and I love her to peices I really do she is my everything and I want to give her the world if I could. I start school on wednesday and I am looking forward to that, I am doing it for Alexis I want to give her a good life and I know I can't with the way I am living now, but that will soon change and Alexis will have an awesome life I will see to it!

My brother came home for a day and I had the best visit with him I actually got to spend time with him which never happens and seeing him was great. I never really got along with my brother and it took me years to find out why... but now I think things are ok between us and I gave him a beautiful neice just like he gave me 2 handsome little nephews who I love to death. Saying goodbye to the 2 of them was harder than usual this time I don't know why that is but it just was. I know the boys are out west with James(my brother) and they always have fun out there he does alot of things with them throughout the summer which I think is great for them and they always have a fun time with their dad and his new wife(their stepmom Yumi). I am hoping I will get to see the 4 of them in August when they come back I am not sure though because I will have school and not sure if I can fit that in with my schedule, but I am going to try.

I sprained my ankle a few days ago it is still sore, but at least I can walk on it now which before it hurt like hell and it was hard to get around I think I almost broke it which wouldn't have been good... considering I need to walk Alexis to Kelly's which will take me 2 hours there and back and then I need to do the same thing after school as well. I know it will all be worth in the end though. Yesterday I was pretty sick and I have to get my wisdom teeth pulled out next saturday almost a week away I have never had any of my teeth pulled and I am afraid of it hurting but hopefully it won't be too bad I hope anyway. I am better today and drugs are always good lol.

The new house has been coming along great, we are getting alot accomplished on it and I can't wait for the moving day. I will miss my neighbours here they are awesome but it will be nice to come home every weekend to a big house where Lexie has room to run and play and just be herself. Matt has been a big help with the house and mom and Clarence appreciate everything ppl has done to help us with it! The end of the month was supposed to be the time we were moving but now I am not so sure about that still. I am thinking by the middle of July we will all be moved in and that will be great and I think mom and Clarence will be so much happier once it is completly finished and they are living there and worry free about things.

Anyway I do believe that is all I have to update as of right now. I am going to try to blog more because I know I was slacking sorry guys for that I will do my best. Right now I am going to go eat and check out facebook what can I say I am addicted lol. Talk to all of you later and for anyone that reads this take care and hug the ones you love and never leave something unsaid but you may never get the chance to say it to that person!

G2G Bye!

Update and some more...

Hey guy,

It's been a while I have been so busy lately and having a blast living here in Saint John, getting to know the city and lots of ppl it's been good. I have more ppl I am going to meet and I can't wait it just seems lately there isn't enough hours in the day for everything.

I am so excited to start school it isn't funny, things are going so good it is awesome how everything is working out. My life is finally getting back on tract the way it should be. Moving here was the smartest idea that I have ever came up with so I am happy about that and I don't regret anything that has happened in my life.

I have been spending my weekends back home(Sussex) helping my parents renovate their house it has been fun and I really like doing that kind of thing, anything that has to do with hard physical labor I love. Things are going good for my parents and their house is coming along great and lots of ppl have been helping out so that makes a big difference. I did alot of painting and flooring the past weekend so it has been fun and my room is painted the color I kinda wanted it.

Alexis is wonderful she doesn't like to sleep that is the only hard part about it, but during the day she is great. I love being a mom nothing has changed about that and it never will. I am so happy with my life and it just keeps getting better as the days go on. I will continue this later Alexis needs me....

G2G Bye!

My family...

Hey guys,

As you read this blog you will see that it is about my family hence the title. I decided to write about them bc I miss them and living here in the city now I don't get to see them very often anymore especially my dad he is still always working.

Anyway I will start with my parents who have been wonderful my dad worked long hard hours to support his family and wanted Amanda, James and I to have a great life so he worked 3 jobs to make that happen. I love my dad he taught me so much like how to be a hard worker and how to work for things you want and need and I was the kinda of daughter that was out in the woods with him or out in the hard or in the garage with him working on cars and whatnot. I love spending time with him, my father is an amazing man and he raised us kids right. For that I want to dedicate this song to him... "Daddy's Hands"

Next I will talk about my mom she is awesome and one of a kind you know how you would hear kids say "my mom is cool shit" well it is true that is what my mom is and always have been. We were not grounded as kids and we spent alot of time outside and not in front of the T.V. and I thank her for that I really do. It taught Amanda and I to play and keep ourselves occupied on our own which did alot for me I can't speak for Man but I am sure she feels the same. So here is a song for my mom..."Somebody's Hero"

Next you have my brother James he is 7 years older than me and him and I didn't always get along the best and up untill last year I had no idea why or what I did so I lost it one day and emailed him asking him what makes me different from Amanda and it had nothing to do with that at all. James was jealous of me bc I was my dad's 1st and he adopted James when mom and dad got married therefore he felt left out and jealous of me and he took that out on me. I missed out on alot doing things with my brother and if I could change that I would but I can't so I just have to live with it and accept the fact. James has 2 wonderful boys who I love with all my heart and is now remarried and has been for almost a year now, him and Yumi met outwest although he came back home to be married and then went back outwest. I have not seen him in almost a year and have only talked to him on the phone once in February his bday actually. I see his boys whenever I can and they are doing great and I am happy for them they are getting so big and growing up so fast. Here is the song I send to James and his boys..."I don't call him daddy"

Next would be my sister Amanda she is amazing and I love her so much she has grown into a beautiful young lady and pretty as all go out, she has alot of self confidence that is something I don't have alot of but I am getting better at it slowly. Man has been there through the whole relationship, the breakup everything she has listened to me cry myself to sleep and sometimes she may act like she doesn't care I know she does and since the whole breakup with Jon and Jamie Amanda has been there and we have become closer than ever and I never thought that would happen but it has and I love my little sister and I wish her all the best bc she is great at whatever she does. Here is the song that I have picked out for her..."Sisters"

I am going to talk about my little girl now I love Alexis to pieces I really do without my little girl I can honestly say I don't know where I would be at if I didn't have her in my life. You know it crushes you when you are with someone for 7 years and one day they just look at you and say I wish you were dead that killed me that night I think I would have rather her father stick a knife in me than to say those hurtful words. Alexis is the light of my life I love my baby girl more than anyone or anything in this world and I am doing everything for her I want to give her an awesome life and I want her to look up to me and come to me when something is wrong. I want Alexis to know no matter what takes place over the years she will always be my #1 and I truely mean that. Things may not always be easy when it comes to being a single mom but I try my best and I will continue to do so for Alexis I will always be there for my little girl. Here is the song I thought was best for her..."In my daughter's eyes"

Anyway with all that being said I have a wonderful step family, Clarence is awesome he is a great step father so here is the song for him..."He didn't have to be" My dad's gf is awesome too in her own way, for the longest time she was jealous of Amanda and I but everything seems ok now. I know my dad and her are happy and I am happy for them so that is all what matters.

This is how I am going to end this one, it is late and I am tired and I think I need sleep. My family is very important to me and I don't think I tell them enough like I should. Anyway this chicky boo is off to bed as long as Alexis stays asleep.

G2G Bye!

Childhood dreams...

Hey Guys,

Well lately I have been sitting here thinking about lots of things my life mainly and Alexis' future. My life isn't how I seen it in all the dreams and the fantasies I had a little girl.

You know everyone pictures their life I know growing up I imagined my future and wondered what it would be like and this was when I was still in Elementary school so alot of years ago. I seen myself with a husband and with a house full of children always running in and out just like my my little sister and I did. You hear all the songs with the house and white picked fence the good husband caring and always there for you. The kids in tons of sports and that is the kind of mom I really wanted to be. I think everyone as a child thinks about their future.

Ok so here is back to reality no matter how much you dream you can never really know what it is like until you experienced it in real life just like I did. I mean I didn't get married there is no such thing as a perfect husband bc in my opinion I think all guys do the same as long as their is a better looking girl interested in them they will leave. I have a beautiful baby girl I just wish I had a family not just me and her and I get so upset when I see a guy and girl holding hands laughing and the daddy is carrying the baby I just really wanted that and I had it for a few months and felt like on top of world I thought I was living the perfect life boy was I wrong.

I am going to be 23 next month and going to be starting school as long as my loans go through alright(fingers crossed) and I just feel like I am going backwards and I know everything happens for a reason but I still don't know what that is yet... I feel like I am being punished for something I didn't do I was a good gf in all the realatioships I have been in I was faithful and truthful and you know you see the movies, where the wife or gf for my case I guess has supper on the table when the guy comes home from work I love to cook and bake and I guess that is the country girl inside me.

Anyway tonight just got me thinking about that and it has been upsetting everything has lately I guess I am afraid of dying alone I don't want that it is my biggest fear that and being replaced by a guy or my daughter I can't help but think that way. This is all I am going to write tonight for I should try to get some sleep and not think anymore.

G2G Bye!