Hey guys,
Well last night it wasn't easy. I was so upset and got thinking about life and the way it was and the way it went and even though I want to get all these thoughts out of my head I can't.......I have tried. I hear certain songs and then comes the tears so I find myself crying alot and my heart is hurting more than ever I just wish he would come over and give me a hug because that is what I need right now just for him to hug me and for me to stop holding on.
Last night Alexis had a rough night the poor baby was teething so bad and she just didn't want to do anything besides cry and she was so upset and in so much pain I feel so bad for her and there was nothing I could do, besides hold her till she went to sleep. She finally went to sleep and stayed asleep and today when she woke up she has a little tooth poking through so that is exciting.
Well I go see my family doctor on the 27th of this month because he put me on anti depressants but I really don't think they are doing what they are susposed to do besides they help me sleep which is good but I still have sucidal thoughts running through my head and awful scary dreams that I will wake up and find myself crying. Anyway so yah I need to get my body and myself back to normal, so I am going to see what he says when I go see him.
Anyway Alexis needs to be fed it's her lunch time!
G2G Bye!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Monday, September 17, 2007
Great weekend...
Hey guys,
I have been having so much fun this weekend it isn't funny it has just been a blast! I went to Moncton yesterday with my parents and Jess and Alexis came too. We did some shopping and then went to eat at Ponderosa(my favorite resturant) it was good and the food and the prices were amazing. After there we went back to Jess's parents and mom and Clarence looked and bought their pool table that they had for sale from them so that was good.
We then headed to my mom's and stay and visited them for awhile and they had so much fun with the baby it was awesome, and the baby had a blast too she was laughing and giggling it was great to see my little girl so happy! We then headed back into town dropped off Alexis and went over to Sussex Corner and played Poker- Texas Hold'em so for me never playing before I liked it and didn't come in last Peirce did so I thought that was pretty good.
Anyway after that we decided it was getting late like 1:30ish am late so we dropped Peirce off and headed back to Jess's and then we went to bed because we were soo super tired.
That about covers everything for now I will write more tonight I am going back to the ex's so I can see my daughter so we will see how that goes and I need to be in town incase I need to go get Alexis' results from the doctor.
G2G Bye!
I have been having so much fun this weekend it isn't funny it has just been a blast! I went to Moncton yesterday with my parents and Jess and Alexis came too. We did some shopping and then went to eat at Ponderosa(my favorite resturant) it was good and the food and the prices were amazing. After there we went back to Jess's parents and mom and Clarence looked and bought their pool table that they had for sale from them so that was good.
We then headed to my mom's and stay and visited them for awhile and they had so much fun with the baby it was awesome, and the baby had a blast too she was laughing and giggling it was great to see my little girl so happy! We then headed back into town dropped off Alexis and went over to Sussex Corner and played Poker- Texas Hold'em so for me never playing before I liked it and didn't come in last Peirce did so I thought that was pretty good.
Anyway after that we decided it was getting late like 1:30ish am late so we dropped Peirce off and headed back to Jess's and then we went to bed because we were soo super tired.
That about covers everything for now I will write more tonight I am going back to the ex's so I can see my daughter so we will see how that goes and I need to be in town incase I need to go get Alexis' results from the doctor.
G2G Bye!
Saturday, September 15, 2007
What a kick ass night...
Hey guys,
I had a wonderful day and night here is how it went... I got up with Alexis and she was so happy to see me and I played with her and just had some mother daughter bonding time it was great. I got her fed and changed and she went back to sleep for a while woke up and had some lunch.
I actually went out tonight and had a wicked ass time it was good and felt so nice to get out and live a little. Thanks to Jess, Peirce and Dee.... It was so fun and hope to do it again!!
Anyway that is all I got for tonight so talk to everyone tomorrow night when I update again.
G2G Bye!
I had a wonderful day and night here is how it went... I got up with Alexis and she was so happy to see me and I played with her and just had some mother daughter bonding time it was great. I got her fed and changed and she went back to sleep for a while woke up and had some lunch.
I actually went out tonight and had a wicked ass time it was good and felt so nice to get out and live a little. Thanks to Jess, Peirce and Dee.... It was so fun and hope to do it again!!
Anyway that is all I got for tonight so talk to everyone tomorrow night when I update again.
G2G Bye!
Friday, September 14, 2007
What a wonderful day...
Hey guys,
It has been a wonderful day, got up and got Alexis ready to go to the lab and that went perfect she didn't even cry when they took her blood. That made me look bad because I am 22 and still cry/hyperventilate when it comes to needles lol.
I had a good time out with Jess tonight and everything went so good I couldn't have asked for a better day at all. I hope tomorrow it is as good as this one.
I have thought about John and I and what we did when we were younger and the "bad" things that we used to do and I miss that I will admit but I am hoping he will continue being friends with me and getting along for Alexis.
I had a good night sleep last night no bad dreams so the pills must be helping because I didn't wake up freaking out and crying like I normally would, so that was a big bonus.
Anyway I am off to bed for the night.
G2G Bye!
It has been a wonderful day, got up and got Alexis ready to go to the lab and that went perfect she didn't even cry when they took her blood. That made me look bad because I am 22 and still cry/hyperventilate when it comes to needles lol.
I had a good time out with Jess tonight and everything went so good I couldn't have asked for a better day at all. I hope tomorrow it is as good as this one.
I have thought about John and I and what we did when we were younger and the "bad" things that we used to do and I miss that I will admit but I am hoping he will continue being friends with me and getting along for Alexis.
I had a good night sleep last night no bad dreams so the pills must be helping because I didn't wake up freaking out and crying like I normally would, so that was a big bonus.
Anyway I am off to bed for the night.
G2G Bye!
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Not so great day...
Hey Guys,
Well today has been horribale for me nothing went right at all, why I don't know it just didn't.
I feel so empty there is no other words to explain it but empty I was diagnosed with depression today and then to have ppl say that I can control it without meds is not true my doctor wouldn't have given to me if he thought other wise. Alexis needs to go in for blood work tomorrow there is something wrong with her, so they are going to run tests and see how that goes.
I feel so alone and I can't help the way I feel all I know it is an awful feeling and I want it all to go away for good. I just wish I had that good feeling I had before everything went wrong...I just want to go up to John and hug him I miss his hugs I miss everything about him but that doesn't matter any more because he doesn't miss me.
Anyway I am in tears tonight and don't feel like writing anymore so have a good night.
G2G Bye!
Well today has been horribale for me nothing went right at all, why I don't know it just didn't.
I feel so empty there is no other words to explain it but empty I was diagnosed with depression today and then to have ppl say that I can control it without meds is not true my doctor wouldn't have given to me if he thought other wise. Alexis needs to go in for blood work tomorrow there is something wrong with her, so they are going to run tests and see how that goes.
I feel so alone and I can't help the way I feel all I know it is an awful feeling and I want it all to go away for good. I just wish I had that good feeling I had before everything went wrong...I just want to go up to John and hug him I miss his hugs I miss everything about him but that doesn't matter any more because he doesn't miss me.
Anyway I am in tears tonight and don't feel like writing anymore so have a good night.
G2G Bye!
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
What a great day...
Hey guys,
Today has been a great day, it started off a little shaky but got better as the day went on. I woke up at 7:30am thanks to Miss Boo and then had a bank appointment at 9am anyway so I went to ask John if he would watch Alexis and he said no but that was because he was sick and I didn't know about it at that time so I will admit that yah I was a bit pissed at him, but then I calmed down once I knew what was wrong with him.
I went to the bank to try to figure and straighten things out and well that didn't happen so I was a bit upset to find out that they couldn't do anything for me. The only way they would if John signed off and well I don't think he wants to do that but I don't know.
When I was walking back I got caught out in the rain and ended up getting soaked so that would have been ok but the rain was cold and me being wet was so not good. I made it back and Alexis was just eating because I texted Tami to find out if John was feeding her and he wasn't so I asked her too because I did not know that John was still sick and in bed.
Tonight has been wonderful I asked John to watch Alexis and I just went and hung out with Jess we did a few "loser laps" around town and just talked it was great and Alexis slept the whole time so John had no problems with her as well.
Well I have a Dr. Appt tomorrow for Alexis and while I am there I am going to asked him a few questions about myself because I need to know and he would have the answers for me. Alexis has been sleeping more than usual and she just doesn't seem to get enough sleep and is always tired and cranky. Hopefully the Dr. will fix that problem for us tomorrow if it can be done.
Anyway Alexis is sleeping so I am off of here and going to sleep before she wakes up lol.
G2G Bye!
Today has been a great day, it started off a little shaky but got better as the day went on. I woke up at 7:30am thanks to Miss Boo and then had a bank appointment at 9am anyway so I went to ask John if he would watch Alexis and he said no but that was because he was sick and I didn't know about it at that time so I will admit that yah I was a bit pissed at him, but then I calmed down once I knew what was wrong with him.
I went to the bank to try to figure and straighten things out and well that didn't happen so I was a bit upset to find out that they couldn't do anything for me. The only way they would if John signed off and well I don't think he wants to do that but I don't know.
When I was walking back I got caught out in the rain and ended up getting soaked so that would have been ok but the rain was cold and me being wet was so not good. I made it back and Alexis was just eating because I texted Tami to find out if John was feeding her and he wasn't so I asked her too because I did not know that John was still sick and in bed.
Tonight has been wonderful I asked John to watch Alexis and I just went and hung out with Jess we did a few "loser laps" around town and just talked it was great and Alexis slept the whole time so John had no problems with her as well.
Well I have a Dr. Appt tomorrow for Alexis and while I am there I am going to asked him a few questions about myself because I need to know and he would have the answers for me. Alexis has been sleeping more than usual and she just doesn't seem to get enough sleep and is always tired and cranky. Hopefully the Dr. will fix that problem for us tomorrow if it can be done.
Anyway Alexis is sleeping so I am off of here and going to sleep before she wakes up lol.
G2G Bye!
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Excitied...
Hey guys,
I am really excited because I am going to get my tea leaves read on September 22nd and I really can't wait! I am hoping that she can tell me what is going to take place in my life because I would love to know I really would.
Today has actually been a good day for me for once everything went good and there was no fighting what so ever it has just been a wicked day. It started off me walking up to the Irving with Alexis from there I went to the mall and then off to visit with my grandmother because she never sees Lexie so I thought it would be nice to stop by. Well while we were there my cousin came by with her newborn so I got to see him he is so sweet and I love his hair.
Anyway I thought I would try to find a job so John was susposed to watch Alexis but he starts work tomorrow night so I don't know what is going to take place. If someone calls me to start work then I will take it from there and go from there I guess.
Anyway I am going to bed soon so talk to you guys all later.
G2G Bye!
I am really excited because I am going to get my tea leaves read on September 22nd and I really can't wait! I am hoping that she can tell me what is going to take place in my life because I would love to know I really would.
Today has actually been a good day for me for once everything went good and there was no fighting what so ever it has just been a wicked day. It started off me walking up to the Irving with Alexis from there I went to the mall and then off to visit with my grandmother because she never sees Lexie so I thought it would be nice to stop by. Well while we were there my cousin came by with her newborn so I got to see him he is so sweet and I love his hair.
Anyway I thought I would try to find a job so John was susposed to watch Alexis but he starts work tomorrow night so I don't know what is going to take place. If someone calls me to start work then I will take it from there and go from there I guess.
Anyway I am going to bed soon so talk to you guys all later.
G2G Bye!
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