Lonely...

Hey guys,

I havn't posted for a while so I thought I would and let you guys all know how I am doing. I have my days but lately all I feel is lonely bc I miss Jon more than he will ever know.

I need him right now and I wish he would see that everyday I seem to get more and more depressing news about my family. I wish he was there to help me through this because this isn't easy and I am not ok I know this now. My grandfather is dying of heart and lung problems and it is only a matter of time he will be 76 next month so he has live a good life I just can't imagine life without him that is all and it is hitting me hard and I love my grandparents and all I think about is my poor grandmother what she must be going through right now. My dad is 50 and he had cancer but they got rid of it as far as we know but my sister Amanda and I were talking and there is something he isn't telling us and it is bothering both of us, but we have been putting the pieces together and that is why we think something is wrong again. My father doesn't like Jon and well for some reason when I called him the other day he appolgized for everything bad he has said about him and said he wants to see me happy and he knows Jon was the one that made me happy and even my dad knows this and he is right and him and I were talking as well and I said I wanted to be with Jon and yes I said I know you will be dissappointed in me and he says no I want to see you happy that is important to me is you being happy and if Jon does that than that is good all I really care about is my girls being happy. I was like wow that is a huge step for my dad to come out and say that to me and then all he has been telling Amanda is for her to come do the book work and to make sure someone knows how to do it in case something happens and for her to be happy as well.

I am so lonely I don't want to face these things alone but yet I somehow have to, how I am not sure yet because Jon has always been there for me he was a great shoulder to cry on and omg his hugs were amazing and just the way he held me so close to him I miss all that and I am going to continue to miss all that from Jon why I don't know I just will.

Anyway that is all because I am too upset to write anymore tonight I just wish Jon would open his eyes and realize I loved him for who he was that is what made him so special and why I love him so much. I just wish I had him and he was here telling me everything is going to be ok.

G2G Bye!