Childhood dreams...

Hey Guys,

Well lately I have been sitting here thinking about lots of things my life mainly and Alexis' future. My life isn't how I seen it in all the dreams and the fantasies I had a little girl.

You know everyone pictures their life I know growing up I imagined my future and wondered what it would be like and this was when I was still in Elementary school so alot of years ago. I seen myself with a husband and with a house full of children always running in and out just like my my little sister and I did. You hear all the songs with the house and white picked fence the good husband caring and always there for you. The kids in tons of sports and that is the kind of mom I really wanted to be. I think everyone as a child thinks about their future.

Ok so here is back to reality no matter how much you dream you can never really know what it is like until you experienced it in real life just like I did. I mean I didn't get married there is no such thing as a perfect husband bc in my opinion I think all guys do the same as long as their is a better looking girl interested in them they will leave. I have a beautiful baby girl I just wish I had a family not just me and her and I get so upset when I see a guy and girl holding hands laughing and the daddy is carrying the baby I just really wanted that and I had it for a few months and felt like on top of world I thought I was living the perfect life boy was I wrong.

I am going to be 23 next month and going to be starting school as long as my loans go through alright(fingers crossed) and I just feel like I am going backwards and I know everything happens for a reason but I still don't know what that is yet... I feel like I am being punished for something I didn't do I was a good gf in all the realatioships I have been in I was faithful and truthful and you know you see the movies, where the wife or gf for my case I guess has supper on the table when the guy comes home from work I love to cook and bake and I guess that is the country girl inside me.

Anyway tonight just got me thinking about that and it has been upsetting everything has lately I guess I am afraid of dying alone I don't want that it is my biggest fear that and being replaced by a guy or my daughter I can't help but think that way. This is all I am going to write tonight for I should try to get some sleep and not think anymore.

G2G Bye!