Hey guys,
Well alot has happened once again... I thought I was living the perfect life well I was wrong yet again wow I am so bad at being someone girlfriends I guess. Anyway I will explain what has been going on.
Well this past weekend Jamie was here I love it when he comes over and me just being able to see him. Things were good so I thought but now I really don't know. He was sick and not feeling the greatest and my house was way too hot for him I am sorry for that. Other than that we had alot of deep convos and it was good. He went home on Sunday and I went to SJ to see him for a bit and then stayed with Lisa and Noah, Lexie and I did it was a good night. Alexis went to bed no problem so I was happy about that lol. I didn't sleep very much bc I was worried about Jamie and was hoping he was ok. He has Pneumonia and is really sick I feel so bad for him. Well today now I am at Lisa's and he textes me that he is scared and nervous and needs to make arrangements and I am like ok what is wrong and this is where he tells me that he needs time to think and wants to be alone and he is sorry for the way he feels. Right there I started crying it hurt to hear that bc I have heard it before I guess and I really liked and loved Jamie and honestly it hurt worst than what Jon did to me. Anyway I leave Lisa's and go back home to find he changed his and mine relationship status and that is when reality really kicked in and all I have been doing is sitting here crying it just hurts my heart feels broken all over again it is really hard to explain just like it is hard to explain the way he made me feel. Anyway so yeah I guess that is what happened between Jamie and I and I can honestly say I miss him I really do. Anyway maybe when he finds himself than maybe there will be a Jamie and Rebekah who knows right?
Alexis is doing great and had fun this weekend with Jamie and I and she had fun at Lisa's as well. I have finally got things in order when it comes to her so I am pleased with that I have to take a walk down memory lane and I am not ready to do that but I have to for my baby girl so I will and Jamie said he will be there to support me so that helps alot. She is growing and teething and running now but she trips alot it is funny lol.
Anyway I know this one is pretty short but I just don't feel up to writting alot tonight. Might go to bed and try to get some sleep not sure if that will happen or not. Anyway I will keep you guys updated as much as possible when ever that may be lol.
G2G Bye!
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
WOW he amazes me everyday...
Hey guys,
Well let me tell you all about how I am have been doing it will literally blow you away with the news I have... Lets see what all is new well I am still with Jamie and we have had some pretty good weekends let me tell you. Alexis' father has agreed to sign off his rights to her. Jamie and I have talked about alot of serious things. Alexis is doing wonderful she learns something new everyday I love that little baby girl with all my heart. L:ast I am going to say is my tealeaf reading is coming true!!!
Ok here is how I am going to start some of the things that Jamie and I have done on the weekends have been...
1) go to Landon's Bday party it was great and Jamie was amazing with Alexis and helped me with her when I didn't even asked him too he just did it bc he wanted to.
2) we have talked alot that is all we do, but it is helping us with our relationship bc it is how we get to know each other.
3) we layed on the trampoline for hours one night and looked at the stars, holding each other close and talking and that was intimate right there bc being so close to him never felt so right in my life.
4) we have worked on the house and just hung around here for some of the days, whatever we do though it doesn't matter to me as long I am with him.
So we have had some pretty good weekends together and even though he lives in Saint John(SJ) I miss him so much it is so hard to explain. Last Saturday night we went to the Mule and he had 5 beer and of course I didn't drink lol. We played pool with Kim and Rob(they kicked our asses) and then I went to dance with Kassie and Jamie joined in on the fun and well I ended up dirty dancing with him and having a great time it was a fun night and that fun continued when we came home from the bar as well. Jamie and I have had some pretty deep convos and they have been amazing and so heart filling. I can honestly say that I have come to relaize that I didn't love Jon well I did but not in the same way I love Jamie. It is hard to explain in words but he is so much better than Jon and treats me and Lexie like gold. He told me last night that Lexie and I are angels sent from god to him that was the most sweetest thing someone could ever have said to me. Anyway I could go on and on about how wonderful he is but I won't he is just seriously the best that has EVER happened to me right along with my daughter.
Talking about my daughter she is doing awesome and getting so big and she makes me proud everyday. She is 16 months old now and walking all the time almost running, she is growing out of all her clothes time to go shopping again soon for her lol. Alexis is talking and saying lots of words, she talks to Jamie everyday on the phone and just loves to tell him stories it is cute.
Well I can honestly say that I found my tealeaf guy(Jamie) and that the things that the lady had told me and Jess about what would start happening within the next 7 months well right now it has been 6 months and so many things on that peice of paper are coming true it is scary really when you stop to think about it all that is taking place. All I have to say is thanks Jess for taking me that was an awesome experience!!
Well I am off to do some laundry and then me and Lexie are going to spend the day with Jamie and I can't wait I miss him so much when he is not here with me but I know things will be ok and normal in a few months, untill then I just have to be patient(easier said than done) but I will continue to work on that. I will write when I can.
G2G Bye!
Well let me tell you all about how I am have been doing it will literally blow you away with the news I have... Lets see what all is new well I am still with Jamie and we have had some pretty good weekends let me tell you. Alexis' father has agreed to sign off his rights to her. Jamie and I have talked about alot of serious things. Alexis is doing wonderful she learns something new everyday I love that little baby girl with all my heart. L:ast I am going to say is my tealeaf reading is coming true!!!
Ok here is how I am going to start some of the things that Jamie and I have done on the weekends have been...
1) go to Landon's Bday party it was great and Jamie was amazing with Alexis and helped me with her when I didn't even asked him too he just did it bc he wanted to.
2) we have talked alot that is all we do, but it is helping us with our relationship bc it is how we get to know each other.
3) we layed on the trampoline for hours one night and looked at the stars, holding each other close and talking and that was intimate right there bc being so close to him never felt so right in my life.
4) we have worked on the house and just hung around here for some of the days, whatever we do though it doesn't matter to me as long I am with him.
So we have had some pretty good weekends together and even though he lives in Saint John(SJ) I miss him so much it is so hard to explain. Last Saturday night we went to the Mule and he had 5 beer and of course I didn't drink lol. We played pool with Kim and Rob(they kicked our asses) and then I went to dance with Kassie and Jamie joined in on the fun and well I ended up dirty dancing with him and having a great time it was a fun night and that fun continued when we came home from the bar as well. Jamie and I have had some pretty deep convos and they have been amazing and so heart filling. I can honestly say that I have come to relaize that I didn't love Jon well I did but not in the same way I love Jamie. It is hard to explain in words but he is so much better than Jon and treats me and Lexie like gold. He told me last night that Lexie and I are angels sent from god to him that was the most sweetest thing someone could ever have said to me. Anyway I could go on and on about how wonderful he is but I won't he is just seriously the best that has EVER happened to me right along with my daughter.
Talking about my daughter she is doing awesome and getting so big and she makes me proud everyday. She is 16 months old now and walking all the time almost running, she is growing out of all her clothes time to go shopping again soon for her lol. Alexis is talking and saying lots of words, she talks to Jamie everyday on the phone and just loves to tell him stories it is cute.
Well I can honestly say that I found my tealeaf guy(Jamie) and that the things that the lady had told me and Jess about what would start happening within the next 7 months well right now it has been 6 months and so many things on that peice of paper are coming true it is scary really when you stop to think about it all that is taking place. All I have to say is thanks Jess for taking me that was an awesome experience!!
Well I am off to do some laundry and then me and Lexie are going to spend the day with Jamie and I can't wait I miss him so much when he is not here with me but I know things will be ok and normal in a few months, untill then I just have to be patient(easier said than done) but I will continue to work on that. I will write when I can.
G2G Bye!
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Alot of good changes:)...
Hey guys,
Well lets see since my last post alot of things have been happening and changes all over it is great! I will write and tell you all about it...
Ok where do I start well lets see I have been doing more than wonderful my friends have been a big help in that and have been there for me all through this entire thing. So I thank them all for helping me. I have met someone new and he is the most wonderful guy a girl could have no joke he is sweet, kind, caring, romantic and best of all not afraid to show his feelings and go places with me!
Alexis is doing great almost 16 months old now wow has the time flown by I tell ya it has been good and bad but most importantly I LOVE being a mom to my beautiful baby girl, she is everything and more. She is walking all the time now and looks so small when she walks but soo damn cute as well. She is talking up a storm always and learning new words everyday. Alexis amazes me everyday I am so proud of her more than she will ever know.
My friends are all doing wonderfully I keep in touch with them through msn and facebook so that is good that there are such things as comps lol. Noah is now 1 and Landon(my friend Kelly's son) will be 1 on the 5th and I was there for Landon's birth and I still remember it like it was yesterday it is crazy to think it has almost been a year. I am happy for them all they are all doing awesome with how their life is.
Ok back to the person I met well lets see Bill and Amanda(friends from PEI) were up on wednesday to sunday and we always go to Ponderosa when they are down before they go home well I kinda delayed that for them so I could go meet Jamie in SJ. I ended up meeting him at the Superstore in SJ and in the produced department at that and I had Alexis with me so we met and I asked him to come back to the Kia with me to give Alexis to my mom and stepfather so he did, little did I know that they were already in the store lol. We met up with the 4 of them and I introduced Jamie to everyone and he shook theie hands right there I was like wow that is respectful of him. After my parents took Alexis I went and did his grocery shopping with him and I can honestly say that was the most funniest grocery shopping trip I have ever had it was fun shopping with 2 single guys at the time. After I left him and before I was even out of SJ, he textes me and says "hey I think ur awesome when can I c u again?" I am thinking wow he is the greatest guy I have ever met and he wants to see me again what is wrong with that pic lol. We texted all the way to Moncton and back again it was crazy but I really looked forward to talking to him, he would call/texted and messaged me online and we continued talking he was honest right from the start that he is married and has 2 boys who are soooo cute. He has to wait a year before he can sign divorce papers right now it has been 5 months, but like he said he wishes it was more and it will be. We have alot in common he is in college taking Personal Support Worker and doing really good and will be finished in April so he can't wait for that. He has the best sense of humor ever it is awesome he makes me laugh and smile everyday it feels so nice that someone out there thinks alot of me. I was talking about and told him that if him and I were going out by February that I would take him to PEI with me and he said ok. The night of the 28th we were talking online and asked me out by saying well you want a bf and I think your the best thing that has happened to me in a long time so does that mean I am going with you to PEI lol that was his way of asking me out. Since then I still have only seen him once but we talk all the time even when he is online doing homework, he appears offline but told me to still talk to him just no one can lol I thought that was sweet. Anyway Jamie is sooo awesome and he is coming to my house for the weekend and even going with me to my friend kelly's son bday party on Saturday in Moncton so I thought that was cool. He was talking to me online today and said that when he is done his work placement that he is hoping to be able to work at the Sussex hospital I was like really have you seen Sussex lol he is like I love it here. I think he just wants to be close to me that is all which is amazing and I am happy for him. Anyway yes I thankgod for POF bc that is how I met him lol.
My family is doing good my mom had gall bladder surgery but is doing great and got lucky and was able to come home all in the same day(which I wasn't when I had mine back in August). Our house is doing good a slow process but it is coming. The boys havn't been there in awhile no idea where Scott has been but that is ok bc they are the ones losing out. We are still planning on moving in, in the Spring if everything goes good which it has been and our carpenter has been wonderful, and a huge help! My sister and her bf are both great and doing good together she goes to SJ alot bc she is in University so I am so happy for her. My brother and his wife as far as I know are doing great too. I havn't talked to them since their wedding last June so that is all I know lol.
That is all for now I have a 15 month old to go look after bc she is into to everything now a days lol. I will try to update as much as possible.
G2G bye!
Well lets see since my last post alot of things have been happening and changes all over it is great! I will write and tell you all about it...
Ok where do I start well lets see I have been doing more than wonderful my friends have been a big help in that and have been there for me all through this entire thing. So I thank them all for helping me. I have met someone new and he is the most wonderful guy a girl could have no joke he is sweet, kind, caring, romantic and best of all not afraid to show his feelings and go places with me!
Alexis is doing great almost 16 months old now wow has the time flown by I tell ya it has been good and bad but most importantly I LOVE being a mom to my beautiful baby girl, she is everything and more. She is walking all the time now and looks so small when she walks but soo damn cute as well. She is talking up a storm always and learning new words everyday. Alexis amazes me everyday I am so proud of her more than she will ever know.
My friends are all doing wonderfully I keep in touch with them through msn and facebook so that is good that there are such things as comps lol. Noah is now 1 and Landon(my friend Kelly's son) will be 1 on the 5th and I was there for Landon's birth and I still remember it like it was yesterday it is crazy to think it has almost been a year. I am happy for them all they are all doing awesome with how their life is.
Ok back to the person I met well lets see Bill and Amanda(friends from PEI) were up on wednesday to sunday and we always go to Ponderosa when they are down before they go home well I kinda delayed that for them so I could go meet Jamie in SJ. I ended up meeting him at the Superstore in SJ and in the produced department at that and I had Alexis with me so we met and I asked him to come back to the Kia with me to give Alexis to my mom and stepfather so he did, little did I know that they were already in the store lol. We met up with the 4 of them and I introduced Jamie to everyone and he shook theie hands right there I was like wow that is respectful of him. After my parents took Alexis I went and did his grocery shopping with him and I can honestly say that was the most funniest grocery shopping trip I have ever had it was fun shopping with 2 single guys at the time. After I left him and before I was even out of SJ, he textes me and says "hey I think ur awesome when can I c u again?" I am thinking wow he is the greatest guy I have ever met and he wants to see me again what is wrong with that pic lol. We texted all the way to Moncton and back again it was crazy but I really looked forward to talking to him, he would call/texted and messaged me online and we continued talking he was honest right from the start that he is married and has 2 boys who are soooo cute. He has to wait a year before he can sign divorce papers right now it has been 5 months, but like he said he wishes it was more and it will be. We have alot in common he is in college taking Personal Support Worker and doing really good and will be finished in April so he can't wait for that. He has the best sense of humor ever it is awesome he makes me laugh and smile everyday it feels so nice that someone out there thinks alot of me. I was talking about and told him that if him and I were going out by February that I would take him to PEI with me and he said ok. The night of the 28th we were talking online and asked me out by saying well you want a bf and I think your the best thing that has happened to me in a long time so does that mean I am going with you to PEI lol that was his way of asking me out. Since then I still have only seen him once but we talk all the time even when he is online doing homework, he appears offline but told me to still talk to him just no one can lol I thought that was sweet. Anyway Jamie is sooo awesome and he is coming to my house for the weekend and even going with me to my friend kelly's son bday party on Saturday in Moncton so I thought that was cool. He was talking to me online today and said that when he is done his work placement that he is hoping to be able to work at the Sussex hospital I was like really have you seen Sussex lol he is like I love it here. I think he just wants to be close to me that is all which is amazing and I am happy for him. Anyway yes I thankgod for POF bc that is how I met him lol.
My family is doing good my mom had gall bladder surgery but is doing great and got lucky and was able to come home all in the same day(which I wasn't when I had mine back in August). Our house is doing good a slow process but it is coming. The boys havn't been there in awhile no idea where Scott has been but that is ok bc they are the ones losing out. We are still planning on moving in, in the Spring if everything goes good which it has been and our carpenter has been wonderful, and a huge help! My sister and her bf are both great and doing good together she goes to SJ alot bc she is in University so I am so happy for her. My brother and his wife as far as I know are doing great too. I havn't talked to them since their wedding last June so that is all I know lol.
That is all for now I have a 15 month old to go look after bc she is into to everything now a days lol. I will try to update as much as possible.
G2G bye!
Sunday, January 13, 2008
It has been good...
Hey guys,
Well things are so good right now and getting better as time goes on. Let me tell you a few things that are new with me...
I have been going out and having fun at the Mule(local bar) I have been playing pool and dancing making a complete ass out of myself but having a blast doing so lol. I am still going to continue to go out and have fun and live my life the way it needs to be lived no man will ever run it again and that is a fact!
Alexis is walking now all over the place it is crazy to think that my baby girl is getting soooo big so quickly sad really but happy in the same way. She just got a new puppy so she will point to him and say doooooggg it is cute lol. She is doing so many new things and she get funnier everyday.
I have lost 40 pounds since August I now weigh 155lbs so that isn't too bad I am not trying although when things are bothering me I just don't eat, yes I know that isn't healthy but I do eat when I am hungry. I just want to look and feel good about myself I am very self-conscience about myself because of everything that has happened to me. I am loving my contacts more and more and now have my year supply ordered so I am happy about that.
My friends are all doing good, Jess starts a new job tomorrow(well today actually lol) Lisa and Noah are doing amazingly well, Steve is doing good a bit upset but over all good, Kassie and Connor are doing great although she had a bad day today, Rachel and Keith are doing fine and I think she is due next month so that will be good for her to be done with being pregnant. I remember those days oh do I ever lol.
Our house is coming along great the boys have been working away on it and it looks like we can move in it in the spring time can't wait for that one. This house is just too small for our family. We have plumbers, electricans, carpenters and who knows who else in on a daily basis so the house is doing great and at least there is a wood stove that is easy to light yay I am excited about that, considering this one hates me lol.
Anyway that is all for the update. I really should get to bed I just don't sleep much anymore. I know that isn't good either but someday when I have that special someone to sleep beside again then I will be able to have the best sleep ever so I am looking forward to that. I will update later when I have time and know more about things.
G2G Bye!
Well things are so good right now and getting better as time goes on. Let me tell you a few things that are new with me...
I have been going out and having fun at the Mule(local bar) I have been playing pool and dancing making a complete ass out of myself but having a blast doing so lol. I am still going to continue to go out and have fun and live my life the way it needs to be lived no man will ever run it again and that is a fact!
Alexis is walking now all over the place it is crazy to think that my baby girl is getting soooo big so quickly sad really but happy in the same way. She just got a new puppy so she will point to him and say doooooggg it is cute lol. She is doing so many new things and she get funnier everyday.
I have lost 40 pounds since August I now weigh 155lbs so that isn't too bad I am not trying although when things are bothering me I just don't eat, yes I know that isn't healthy but I do eat when I am hungry. I just want to look and feel good about myself I am very self-conscience about myself because of everything that has happened to me. I am loving my contacts more and more and now have my year supply ordered so I am happy about that.
My friends are all doing good, Jess starts a new job tomorrow(well today actually lol) Lisa and Noah are doing amazingly well, Steve is doing good a bit upset but over all good, Kassie and Connor are doing great although she had a bad day today, Rachel and Keith are doing fine and I think she is due next month so that will be good for her to be done with being pregnant. I remember those days oh do I ever lol.
Our house is coming along great the boys have been working away on it and it looks like we can move in it in the spring time can't wait for that one. This house is just too small for our family. We have plumbers, electricans, carpenters and who knows who else in on a daily basis so the house is doing great and at least there is a wood stove that is easy to light yay I am excited about that, considering this one hates me lol.
Anyway that is all for the update. I really should get to bed I just don't sleep much anymore. I know that isn't good either but someday when I have that special someone to sleep beside again then I will be able to have the best sleep ever so I am looking forward to that. I will update later when I have time and know more about things.
G2G Bye!
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Wow a NYE I will never forget...
Hey guys,
I have been wonderful lately and things are so much better and I am moving on and forgetting about everything in my past well at least I am trying to anyway lol that is all I can do. Anyway let me tell you about the fun time I have been having and let me tell ya it feels so good to get out!
I went out fri and sat to the Mule(local bar here in Sussex) and it was awesome the 1st night I just played pool and hung out with Will and Rob and just had a fun time. The second night I went out with Rob, Minda and Kassie and met up with Steve Corey and Trevor we didn't talk much though and Corey and Trevor left early so Steve hung out with us girls and Minda left early too so we went on the dance floor and even Rob and Steve danced with Kassie and I it was just a blast!!
On Monday night the Mule was throwing a NYE party so I went to that with Kassie and Steve, Steve picked us up at Kassie's place and then from her place we went to Trevor's for about a half an hour and then to the Mule we headed off to. We got there and they had pizza and snacks for free and I thought that was awesome. I didn't eat though and either did Kassie just the guys did and AJ was there too but I thought he was working that night. Trevor met up with us after wards and we all played pool well besides Kassie no way was she playing lol. It was fun and later on we went on the dance floor and danced and had a blast Trevor even joined us and he doesn't dance well then again either do I funny how that is but I danced that night lol we all did. It was funny because Trevor kept hip bumping me into the speaker and he was a bit drunk so he was falling on me alot too but it was all good and alot of fun. At the end of it everyone was wasted besides me I didn't drink lol and just having the time of their lives!! Trevor and I slow danced the last song and it made me sad thinking I havn't done that since high school lol crazy that was many years ago:( but over all it was a good night and we all had fun spending NYE together.
Alexis is doing wonderful she is walking and talking now more than ever and growing up wayyyy to fast she will be 15 months old on the 10th hard to believe my baby being that old already lol. I love her more and more each day and I plan on bettering my life for her and so I can be a great mom to her and I try and somedays are rough, but we get through them.
I don't talk to Jon or Tami at all anymore just not worth my time I am so over him and I really don't care about him anymore he is missing so many new things with Alexis and that is his choice. I don't bother with it anymore he is the one missing out not me.
As you can tell I am much happier yes the nights are still lonely but whatever I get through them and will continue to do so. I think when I am actually ready to start a relationship again then it will be ok and so will I and I will make this one work the best I can. My favorite saying is everything happens for a reason and well I really believe that now it just took long enough for me to see it that is all.
Anyway it is sooo past my bedtime so I am going to stop writing now but I just wanted to add one thing before I go I so LOVE my contacts they are making me feel so much better about myself and that is a good thing. Anyway that is all will update later.
G2G Bye!
I have been wonderful lately and things are so much better and I am moving on and forgetting about everything in my past well at least I am trying to anyway lol that is all I can do. Anyway let me tell you about the fun time I have been having and let me tell ya it feels so good to get out!
I went out fri and sat to the Mule(local bar here in Sussex) and it was awesome the 1st night I just played pool and hung out with Will and Rob and just had a fun time. The second night I went out with Rob, Minda and Kassie and met up with Steve Corey and Trevor we didn't talk much though and Corey and Trevor left early so Steve hung out with us girls and Minda left early too so we went on the dance floor and even Rob and Steve danced with Kassie and I it was just a blast!!
On Monday night the Mule was throwing a NYE party so I went to that with Kassie and Steve, Steve picked us up at Kassie's place and then from her place we went to Trevor's for about a half an hour and then to the Mule we headed off to. We got there and they had pizza and snacks for free and I thought that was awesome. I didn't eat though and either did Kassie just the guys did and AJ was there too but I thought he was working that night. Trevor met up with us after wards and we all played pool well besides Kassie no way was she playing lol. It was fun and later on we went on the dance floor and danced and had a blast Trevor even joined us and he doesn't dance well then again either do I funny how that is but I danced that night lol we all did. It was funny because Trevor kept hip bumping me into the speaker and he was a bit drunk so he was falling on me alot too but it was all good and alot of fun. At the end of it everyone was wasted besides me I didn't drink lol and just having the time of their lives!! Trevor and I slow danced the last song and it made me sad thinking I havn't done that since high school lol crazy that was many years ago:( but over all it was a good night and we all had fun spending NYE together.
Alexis is doing wonderful she is walking and talking now more than ever and growing up wayyyy to fast she will be 15 months old on the 10th hard to believe my baby being that old already lol. I love her more and more each day and I plan on bettering my life for her and so I can be a great mom to her and I try and somedays are rough, but we get through them.
I don't talk to Jon or Tami at all anymore just not worth my time I am so over him and I really don't care about him anymore he is missing so many new things with Alexis and that is his choice. I don't bother with it anymore he is the one missing out not me.
As you can tell I am much happier yes the nights are still lonely but whatever I get through them and will continue to do so. I think when I am actually ready to start a relationship again then it will be ok and so will I and I will make this one work the best I can. My favorite saying is everything happens for a reason and well I really believe that now it just took long enough for me to see it that is all.
Anyway it is sooo past my bedtime so I am going to stop writing now but I just wanted to add one thing before I go I so LOVE my contacts they are making me feel so much better about myself and that is a good thing. Anyway that is all will update later.
G2G Bye!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
The reasons...
Hey guys,
I know you are probably wondering how ive been and honestly lately because of Christmas I have been up and down. I will explain to you why as I type this post...
When I was a little girl Christmas used to be a happy time, fun laughing playing we always opened a present on Christmas Eve that was always our tradition. When dad used to work at the mine there was always a Christmas party for us kids and they always gave us a present my favorite present was my puppy named Paws(packed away now). Amanda and I would usually open that present on Christmas Eve and then the rest Christmas day. We would wake our parents up bright and early and just be kids. It was always good family bonding time and mom and dad always took us for a drive to look at all the pretty lights and decorations that ppl went out of their way doing. Here is one of the reasons that Christmas isn't the same or special anymore at all:(
When I was in grade 6 it was a nice Christmas Eve night, dad had come home with pizza and a dozen roses it was so nice and something he rarely did because he work 3 jobs and just wasn't around. Well mom decided that was the night she was going to tell him she was leaving to move out with her bf (dad's best friend) well that was the end of the most wonderful night. Mom left us there with dad and she left to go to her new place and I remember crying so hard that night it was just an awful time. I know that Christmas was ruined and ever since that time I never enjoyed it, it was always a fight who was going to get us and when and a bunch of other shit. Another reason is because now I have had someone I loved to spend Christmas with and now that has been taken away and I just really don't want to spend Christmas with anyone besides myself, ppl just don't get that I want to be alone but I am hurting inside and all the bad memories are coming back and I don't want to remember them I feel there is nothing to celebrate so why bother? I realize I have Alexis but I am letting Jon take her because hopefully next year I will be out west with her for Christmas if he ever lets me go with her.
Alexis started walking some more today I wish Jon could see all the things he is missing, but maybe he will over the hoildays I hope. He told me that he is probably going to Tami's for Christmas and I am happy for him I honestly am. I told him if he is to take Alexis with her because I can't give her a good Christmas this year, but he can I know he can.
I got new contacts and I am loving them taking some time to get used to and putting them in isn't always easy. I just want to feel better about myself and not be so down all the time and be happy and let ppl know I am happy and lately it hasn't been that at all I just want that back again. I seem to be fighting with Amanda all the time again maybe because she is the baby of the family and gets away with so much, she has her own car she can come and go as she pleases and well I can't because I can't past a stupid road test and it pisses me off because I really want and need my licence.
The new house is coming along slowly, they said it will now be February before we can move in which really isn't that far away. I really can't wait to move out of here it is just too small and crowded and wayyyyy toooo many memories for me and right now on top of everything else I can't deal with that.
Well that is all for now I will write when I can. I will be here all alone so you might hear from me more than ever over the hoildays:)
G2G Bye!
I know you are probably wondering how ive been and honestly lately because of Christmas I have been up and down. I will explain to you why as I type this post...
When I was a little girl Christmas used to be a happy time, fun laughing playing we always opened a present on Christmas Eve that was always our tradition. When dad used to work at the mine there was always a Christmas party for us kids and they always gave us a present my favorite present was my puppy named Paws(packed away now). Amanda and I would usually open that present on Christmas Eve and then the rest Christmas day. We would wake our parents up bright and early and just be kids. It was always good family bonding time and mom and dad always took us for a drive to look at all the pretty lights and decorations that ppl went out of their way doing. Here is one of the reasons that Christmas isn't the same or special anymore at all:(
When I was in grade 6 it was a nice Christmas Eve night, dad had come home with pizza and a dozen roses it was so nice and something he rarely did because he work 3 jobs and just wasn't around. Well mom decided that was the night she was going to tell him she was leaving to move out with her bf (dad's best friend) well that was the end of the most wonderful night. Mom left us there with dad and she left to go to her new place and I remember crying so hard that night it was just an awful time. I know that Christmas was ruined and ever since that time I never enjoyed it, it was always a fight who was going to get us and when and a bunch of other shit. Another reason is because now I have had someone I loved to spend Christmas with and now that has been taken away and I just really don't want to spend Christmas with anyone besides myself, ppl just don't get that I want to be alone but I am hurting inside and all the bad memories are coming back and I don't want to remember them I feel there is nothing to celebrate so why bother? I realize I have Alexis but I am letting Jon take her because hopefully next year I will be out west with her for Christmas if he ever lets me go with her.
Alexis started walking some more today I wish Jon could see all the things he is missing, but maybe he will over the hoildays I hope. He told me that he is probably going to Tami's for Christmas and I am happy for him I honestly am. I told him if he is to take Alexis with her because I can't give her a good Christmas this year, but he can I know he can.
I got new contacts and I am loving them taking some time to get used to and putting them in isn't always easy. I just want to feel better about myself and not be so down all the time and be happy and let ppl know I am happy and lately it hasn't been that at all I just want that back again. I seem to be fighting with Amanda all the time again maybe because she is the baby of the family and gets away with so much, she has her own car she can come and go as she pleases and well I can't because I can't past a stupid road test and it pisses me off because I really want and need my licence.
The new house is coming along slowly, they said it will now be February before we can move in which really isn't that far away. I really can't wait to move out of here it is just too small and crowded and wayyyyy toooo many memories for me and right now on top of everything else I can't deal with that.
Well that is all for now I will write when I can. I will be here all alone so you might hear from me more than ever over the hoildays:)
G2G Bye!
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Things are getting better...
Hey guys,
I have been doing wonderful these last few days and I thankgod for Facebook lol I have found alot of ppl I went to high school with and catching up with them have been great. I really enjoy talking to ppl I havn't talked to in years and to find out ppl liked me but I was taken because I was with Jon wow if I only knew, but then again if Jon and I never got together I wouldn't of had the beautiful baby girl that I do have and she is my everything and people from day one when everything all came crashing down always told me things happen for a reason and well now I see it!
I have been talking to a guy who just came out of a 5 year relationship and he was happy to hear that he wasn't alone lol which is isn't at all. We talked on msn from 11:20pm to 5am my time he lives outwest and is doing great for himself so I am happy for him because that is something that he couldn't have done around here at all Sussex is just too small. I talked to him the next day and he said he felt bad keeping me up I said no you didn't I was happy to have someone to talk to because I couldn't sleep so he said oh in that case no problem it was my pleasure lol. Him and I are going out as friends on the 27th when he comes home for Xmas so I am really excited about that for sure. He told me not to worry about the cost and we could go anywhere I wanted to go I was like Holy Shit! That is just crazy and I even asked him if he was serious lol and he is Jon nevered paid for anything and so that made my jaw dropped down to the floor insane and he said that I should be treated like a princess I was like wow I have never felt that way and he told me that Jon was a dick for doing the things that he has done to me and he said that he will support me in anything I need support in WOW he is just amazing and he really doesn't know how much he has helped me, but anyone that knows me should see the difference I hope.
I was soo mad at Jon last night I have worked so hard on getting Alexis on a schedule and well I called and at 9pm she was eating cake and here she would have been asleep by 8:10pm so I was pretty upset that he wasn't doing his part by keeping her on the schedule that I have started with her and then when she goes to his house it takes me 3 days again to get her back on track and that isn't fair to Alexis or me I don't think anyway. So as soon as I can I am going to talk to Jon and see what I can figure out because I don't know what else to do I really don't.
Alot of things have come up lately and I have been doing alot of thinking and honestly for the best interest of Alexis I am thinking about taking this to court and getting full custody of her and then I really want to move outwest because alot of ppl I know are out there and I miss them the ones I used to hang out with at school. I think I can better my future and better myself adn raise Alexis better out there knowing that I won't have to put up with anymore bullshit from them two because I can't take much more. I will miss everyone here though and all my family and friends, but I want and need to be happy again and if moving away is what it takes then that is what I am going to have to do. I am still going to think long and hard about it though and maybe Jon just might let me move with her and he will see her when I fly home and things just like everyone will. I don't know if I will get that lucky but I should because he is the one that has put me through everything and is driving me away because I don't want to see him or Tami and I have the right to say that.
Alexis took her 1st steps the day she turned 144 months old, but she isn't walking yet she will take a step or two and then go back to crawling but I know she will be walking and talking and running before I know it and that makes me so proud of her and all the new things makes my heart melt and I know she will do just fine with her mommy because I can be a good mom!
That is all for now I have to get ready for my Dr. Appt today fun fun. My results from my blood work will be in and I am scared to death but I know I will be just fine and that is how I have to think is positive and keep my head up high!
G2G Bye!
I have been doing wonderful these last few days and I thankgod for Facebook lol I have found alot of ppl I went to high school with and catching up with them have been great. I really enjoy talking to ppl I havn't talked to in years and to find out ppl liked me but I was taken because I was with Jon wow if I only knew, but then again if Jon and I never got together I wouldn't of had the beautiful baby girl that I do have and she is my everything and people from day one when everything all came crashing down always told me things happen for a reason and well now I see it!
I have been talking to a guy who just came out of a 5 year relationship and he was happy to hear that he wasn't alone lol which is isn't at all. We talked on msn from 11:20pm to 5am my time he lives outwest and is doing great for himself so I am happy for him because that is something that he couldn't have done around here at all Sussex is just too small. I talked to him the next day and he said he felt bad keeping me up I said no you didn't I was happy to have someone to talk to because I couldn't sleep so he said oh in that case no problem it was my pleasure lol. Him and I are going out as friends on the 27th when he comes home for Xmas so I am really excited about that for sure. He told me not to worry about the cost and we could go anywhere I wanted to go I was like Holy Shit! That is just crazy and I even asked him if he was serious lol and he is Jon nevered paid for anything and so that made my jaw dropped down to the floor insane and he said that I should be treated like a princess I was like wow I have never felt that way and he told me that Jon was a dick for doing the things that he has done to me and he said that he will support me in anything I need support in WOW he is just amazing and he really doesn't know how much he has helped me, but anyone that knows me should see the difference I hope.
I was soo mad at Jon last night I have worked so hard on getting Alexis on a schedule and well I called and at 9pm she was eating cake and here she would have been asleep by 8:10pm so I was pretty upset that he wasn't doing his part by keeping her on the schedule that I have started with her and then when she goes to his house it takes me 3 days again to get her back on track and that isn't fair to Alexis or me I don't think anyway. So as soon as I can I am going to talk to Jon and see what I can figure out because I don't know what else to do I really don't.
Alot of things have come up lately and I have been doing alot of thinking and honestly for the best interest of Alexis I am thinking about taking this to court and getting full custody of her and then I really want to move outwest because alot of ppl I know are out there and I miss them the ones I used to hang out with at school. I think I can better my future and better myself adn raise Alexis better out there knowing that I won't have to put up with anymore bullshit from them two because I can't take much more. I will miss everyone here though and all my family and friends, but I want and need to be happy again and if moving away is what it takes then that is what I am going to have to do. I am still going to think long and hard about it though and maybe Jon just might let me move with her and he will see her when I fly home and things just like everyone will. I don't know if I will get that lucky but I should because he is the one that has put me through everything and is driving me away because I don't want to see him or Tami and I have the right to say that.
Alexis took her 1st steps the day she turned 144 months old, but she isn't walking yet she will take a step or two and then go back to crawling but I know she will be walking and talking and running before I know it and that makes me so proud of her and all the new things makes my heart melt and I know she will do just fine with her mommy because I can be a good mom!
That is all for now I have to get ready for my Dr. Appt today fun fun. My results from my blood work will be in and I am scared to death but I know I will be just fine and that is how I have to think is positive and keep my head up high!
G2G Bye!
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