Hurt...

Hey guys,

Well I don't know what to think anymore I really don't. I was at John's parents house and someone went on my msn and messed alot of things up and even CHANGED my password I am just going to give up because I will never know who did it and really I don't care I just don't give 2 flying fucks anymore.

Well life is not getting better if anything I am hurting more and more and falling apart to pieces and noone can heal a broken heart besides the one I love and will always love no matter how much he hurt me I would take him back because that is what you do when you love someone right??? I really want me to wake up from this awful dream and continue going back to the way things used to be before everything went so wrong for what ever reasons he left me will always be beyond me and everyone else but that doesn't matter I will wait for him no matter how long it takes.

Alexis is 11 months old today I am really sad for a few reasons:

- I really wanted to be pregnant by this time and that will never happen and I have finally realized this, it has taken me a long time and I will never accept it but what can I do???

- I want to keep my baby a baby since she is my 1st and my last but I can't do that either and to think that this time next month I will have a 1 year old.

- I don't think it is fair to see her parents split up like John and I are I came from a broken family and it wasn't easy and I blamed myself for mom and dad divorcing.

- I miss her newborn stage when we 1st brought home that 7 pound baby and you go back to then and look at her now she is so big and only likes to cuddle when she is tired.

This is how I have been feeling lately and now I have to go through a bunch more bullshit so I don't know what to do about that. My case manger is making file child support and I really didn't want to do that but I have no choice. I am glad though because I told him I don't want to go to court over it and he said that if John coroperates then it won't have to so I was glad to hear about that I really was.

Anyway that covers it all for now I am pretty sure so talk to you guys all later.

G2G Bye!