Not a good day...

Hey guys,

I am just so upset right now so please be patient while I try to explain this it isn't easy and I am so confused and frusterated on what I should do. John asked me for $40.00 and well I have it to lend him but I said NO! when he asked because why would I say yes yet again. Everytime I have said yes I am always put down after he has gotton the money and I really couldn't go through all that hurt again I can't seem to take alot right now and that might put me over the edge this hasn't been an easy breakup for me but to him it is great because in his eyes he didn't think twice about dumping me like I was nothing to him and like I meant nothing to him, and he had no problem replacing me.

I met a really nice guy this weekend he has 2 kids and he is good to them and he is a true gentlemen but that isn't really what I am looking for right now I really feel like I am not ready to date and that I wouldn't be faithful to anyone because I still love John he was my # 1 person in my life. I have mixed feelings on everything right now but in my opinion and the way my heart feels right now I am not ready to go through this right now I can't take it or deal with anything right now. I just wish he would come back to me I really love John and it hurts because it just hurts way to much still my heart still hasn't healed at all I don't think.

I had a good day out with my family and friends if it wasn't for them and my daughter then I don't know where I would be right now. It scares me to even think of that because I have been put through alot of shit and I feel like I have been to hell and back and I don't think it is really fair what he has done to me. I went bowling and out for supper it was great Alexis was so good and had a fun time and we got lots of pics so over all it was good.

Then this shit starts and that always seems to wreck the good fun times I am having because then I go in my depression state and that isn't good but I really can't help that I just don't know how to make it go away. Anyway I am heading to bed soon but I will say one last thing before I end it....YOU ARE ONE LUCKY GIRL TAMI!!!!!!!!!!!!! I miss you John more than you will ever know.................

G2G Bye!