I don't understand......

Hey guys,

Well I had a good night we went out and just had a few laughs something I havn't done in a while John didn't like going anywhere with me but now I know why. I was going to take Alexis with me but John made a big deal about it so he took her because he told me he didn't have any plans so I thought ok save the fighting he can take her...well I find out they went to the drivin and that hurts for one reason last time we went Tami wreck it for me, she texted John the whole time and wouldn't leave us alone and then she shows up and he runs off with her so ya what a night that was I tell ya.

Anyway it bothers me that he would go to the drivin with her no problem but I used to have to beg him there are so many things I am confused about it isn't funny and I just don't know what to think anymore I am hating this single life with a passion that is all I know lol.

I love Alexis she is my world and I wish I knew what was going through my head that day when I was ready to give her to him I wish I knew some say I just wasn't thinking and really I think it was is that I was having a nervous breakdown because I couldn't deal with it no more I just couldn't take anymore of the fighting and the bullshit I really couldn't. Anyway Alexis is our daughter and she will always be our daughter nothing or no one will change that. I love her with all my heart!!

I started thinking what life would be without her and I think I honestly think that I would be dead because I know I would have just given up my life over John I just loved him that much so I am beyond happy that I have that little girl to keep me alive and moving on with my life I am trying but I have my days where I just break down and cry and my teardrops are dripping on her and I hate her seeing me this way it is upsetting her too and I know this so I have tried to stop and will continue to try to stop.

Well I went and bought Alexis something really nice today and the day she turns 16 she will get it, it is a chain with the moon on it and it isn't just any moon it is the day she was born and it glows in the dark so I thought that would make her a great 16th birthday gift. Talking about birthdays Alexis will be 1 in a months time that is so hard to believe where has the time gone???

Well that gets me thinking again and I will always remember the year that her father and I started going out it was 2000 just like I will always remember the year 2007- when he left me for some other girl who was better than me. I always said I hated odd numbers and to this day I still do something always seems to happen on them.

Anyway I have more fun things to do so talk to you guys all later.

G2G Bye!