Hey guys,
I seem to feel so sick all the time for some reason it is an awful feeling and I wish I knew what was wrong with my body but I don't.
I just don't feel myself and I get headaches I have never gotton headaches before so I really don't know what is up with that and lately there have been nights that I can't seem to breathe but that could be my asthma acting up again because the colder weather is coming.
I am scared that I will have Alexis and stop breathing in the night it has happen before and at least I had John there because I remember there was one night that I was talking to him on the phone and he knew I was having trouble breathing well the phone on my end went silent and when I came too him and his parents were on their way to get me and he wanted me to go to the hospital but I didn't it was just a rough night. What am I gonna do I don't like to be by myself especially at night. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with even my parents divorcing wasn't as bad as this in my opinion.
Anyway I hope me getting headaches and feeling sick all the time is normal if not than I don't know but it could be just stress as well because trying to find a place for Alexis and I to live and yet it has to be in town because I don't have my licence and won't have them for awhile because the only person willing to let me drive is John thank god my own parents won't let me drive unless I get my own insurance well on top of everything else I won't have the money to do that and I think that is also stressing me out.
I think that once I get my life straightened out and get back on my feet that maybe then I will start to feel better I hope. I have to feel better I can't take care of Alexis when I feel like this I really can't so all I need to do now is concentrate on feeling better for Alexis because I love her and she is the only one I have left, sad to say but it is true.
G2G bye!
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Update on me
Hey guys,
Well life is slowly getting better for me. I am trying to forget about the past 7 years there had been some good times and bad like every relationship of course.
Although I must say it brought tears to my eyes when I was calling about apartments yesterday because when the guy said do you have a boyfriend and I said no I am single that sounded so odd and it kinda hurt in a way to say no just me and my daughter because until these past few weeks it has been all about John me and Alexis well now there is no John in my life sad to say but there isn't so ya I was telling the truth and I guess the truth hurts...
I am glad the other night John and I actually got to talk even though it was online I finally got things somewhat straightened out between him and I even though it brought tears to my eyes what he was saying and why things went the way they went but the way I look at it is that at least I know...
As for the whole dating thing I am so not ready to do that and don't think I will be ready for a while I like the fact that I have only slept with one person in 22 years I think that is pretty damn good and I really don't think that if I wasn't good enough for John then who am I good for is there anyone out there? Another question is do I really want to go through that again like really love someone and that someone just tells you one day that they stopped loving you I really don't think I could handle that again and well before John I was petrified of John like I wouldn't even go near him but slowly he gained my trust and then I wasn't scared anymore once I had forgot about my childhood fears and moved on....I am not saying that I still don't about being molested and raped because I do, but thanks to John I wasn't scared of him anymore and once I let down my guard then it just got better from there on.
Alexis is doing great I love seeing her 1st thing in the morning and love being with her as much as I can because the day is going to come that I won't have her whenever I want her she won't always be with me and that scares me no not because she is going to be with John but the reason is at least I have somebody around around a baby or not she is someone to keep me company. She will be 11 months on the 10th and it is so hard to believe I keep replaying in my head the day she was born and how proud John was to be her daddy and even though he told the nurse he didn't want to hold her he ended up holding her and he was happy you could see it in his face.
Well that is all the news for now I will update you guys later.
G2G bye!
Well life is slowly getting better for me. I am trying to forget about the past 7 years there had been some good times and bad like every relationship of course.
Although I must say it brought tears to my eyes when I was calling about apartments yesterday because when the guy said do you have a boyfriend and I said no I am single that sounded so odd and it kinda hurt in a way to say no just me and my daughter because until these past few weeks it has been all about John me and Alexis well now there is no John in my life sad to say but there isn't so ya I was telling the truth and I guess the truth hurts...
I am glad the other night John and I actually got to talk even though it was online I finally got things somewhat straightened out between him and I even though it brought tears to my eyes what he was saying and why things went the way they went but the way I look at it is that at least I know...
As for the whole dating thing I am so not ready to do that and don't think I will be ready for a while I like the fact that I have only slept with one person in 22 years I think that is pretty damn good and I really don't think that if I wasn't good enough for John then who am I good for is there anyone out there? Another question is do I really want to go through that again like really love someone and that someone just tells you one day that they stopped loving you I really don't think I could handle that again and well before John I was petrified of John like I wouldn't even go near him but slowly he gained my trust and then I wasn't scared anymore once I had forgot about my childhood fears and moved on....I am not saying that I still don't about being molested and raped because I do, but thanks to John I wasn't scared of him anymore and once I let down my guard then it just got better from there on.
Alexis is doing great I love seeing her 1st thing in the morning and love being with her as much as I can because the day is going to come that I won't have her whenever I want her she won't always be with me and that scares me no not because she is going to be with John but the reason is at least I have somebody around around a baby or not she is someone to keep me company. She will be 11 months on the 10th and it is so hard to believe I keep replaying in my head the day she was born and how proud John was to be her daddy and even though he told the nurse he didn't want to hold her he ended up holding her and he was happy you could see it in his face.
Well that is all the news for now I will update you guys later.
G2G bye!
Monday, August 27, 2007
Life
Hey guys,
Anyway I thought I would start writting on how I feel and what has been going on lately but let me explain a bit 1st....
I was in grade 9 when I started going out with Jonathon MacKay and we continued going out finished school, graduated together from PALS on June 20th, 2003(my 18th birthday). From there we moved to moncton and I started going to college well that didn't last so then we moved back home and we both started working here again.
We ended working on the Vanderlann's farm together and I loved that and I was also working at K&D Campground that was great too, but unfortunely that job had to come to an end so it was off to find somewhere else to work.... I started working on another farm in 2004 and stayed there untill December 31, 2005 so a year and a half is what it works out to be and John worked there for 9 months untill we both quit.
Well that night we decided well life can't get any worst "lets have a baby" and he agreed well I got pregnant that night and Alexis was conceived. So now that I am pregnant I can't work bc I am just too sick in and out of the hospital but John was working for a flagging company but then quit after a while of doing that., but whose knows maybe he quit that job bc of me too.
Anyway Alexis our daughter was born on October 10th, 2006 weighing 7 pounds even she was so cute and an awesome baby who decided to be nice to her mom and come quick and easy LOL!
Well now we have this little newborn to care for and we are doing great job she is such a good baby and I am loving every minute of it being a mommy.
Time flys and that little newborn is 10 months old almost 11, and right now I feel so sorry for her this is where life goes wrong....
Her father and I would have been together for 7 years and a 3 months well he decided that he wanted someone new I wasn't good enough for him anymore, he cheated on me and used me and HURT me really bad that noone really understand just how bad.
For the 1st little while I was working in Moncton and while I was there he was running around on me, and things got worst from there on he stopped sleeping with me, he stayed out all night, he stopped talking to me there are alot of things that he just stopped doing.
Life is different now John and I are not together, he is happy with his new girlfriend I am so depressed all the time and we have come to the agreement that he gets her on the weekends for now and I have her for the weekdays that isn't premantely or anything so we will see how that works out.
G2G bye!
Anyway I thought I would start writting on how I feel and what has been going on lately but let me explain a bit 1st....
I was in grade 9 when I started going out with Jonathon MacKay and we continued going out finished school, graduated together from PALS on June 20th, 2003(my 18th birthday). From there we moved to moncton and I started going to college well that didn't last so then we moved back home and we both started working here again.
We ended working on the Vanderlann's farm together and I loved that and I was also working at K&D Campground that was great too, but unfortunely that job had to come to an end so it was off to find somewhere else to work.... I started working on another farm in 2004 and stayed there untill December 31, 2005 so a year and a half is what it works out to be and John worked there for 9 months untill we both quit.
Well that night we decided well life can't get any worst "lets have a baby" and he agreed well I got pregnant that night and Alexis was conceived. So now that I am pregnant I can't work bc I am just too sick in and out of the hospital but John was working for a flagging company but then quit after a while of doing that., but whose knows maybe he quit that job bc of me too.
Anyway Alexis our daughter was born on October 10th, 2006 weighing 7 pounds even she was so cute and an awesome baby who decided to be nice to her mom and come quick and easy LOL!
Well now we have this little newborn to care for and we are doing great job she is such a good baby and I am loving every minute of it being a mommy.
Time flys and that little newborn is 10 months old almost 11, and right now I feel so sorry for her this is where life goes wrong....
Her father and I would have been together for 7 years and a 3 months well he decided that he wanted someone new I wasn't good enough for him anymore, he cheated on me and used me and HURT me really bad that noone really understand just how bad.
For the 1st little while I was working in Moncton and while I was there he was running around on me, and things got worst from there on he stopped sleeping with me, he stayed out all night, he stopped talking to me there are alot of things that he just stopped doing.
Life is different now John and I are not together, he is happy with his new girlfriend I am so depressed all the time and we have come to the agreement that he gets her on the weekends for now and I have her for the weekdays that isn't premantely or anything so we will see how that works out.
G2G bye!
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