Hey guys,
I know you are probably wondering how ive been and honestly lately because of Christmas I have been up and down. I will explain to you why as I type this post...
When I was a little girl Christmas used to be a happy time, fun laughing playing we always opened a present on Christmas Eve that was always our tradition. When dad used to work at the mine there was always a Christmas party for us kids and they always gave us a present my favorite present was my puppy named Paws(packed away now). Amanda and I would usually open that present on Christmas Eve and then the rest Christmas day. We would wake our parents up bright and early and just be kids. It was always good family bonding time and mom and dad always took us for a drive to look at all the pretty lights and decorations that ppl went out of their way doing. Here is one of the reasons that Christmas isn't the same or special anymore at all:(
When I was in grade 6 it was a nice Christmas Eve night, dad had come home with pizza and a dozen roses it was so nice and something he rarely did because he work 3 jobs and just wasn't around. Well mom decided that was the night she was going to tell him she was leaving to move out with her bf (dad's best friend) well that was the end of the most wonderful night. Mom left us there with dad and she left to go to her new place and I remember crying so hard that night it was just an awful time. I know that Christmas was ruined and ever since that time I never enjoyed it, it was always a fight who was going to get us and when and a bunch of other shit. Another reason is because now I have had someone I loved to spend Christmas with and now that has been taken away and I just really don't want to spend Christmas with anyone besides myself, ppl just don't get that I want to be alone but I am hurting inside and all the bad memories are coming back and I don't want to remember them I feel there is nothing to celebrate so why bother? I realize I have Alexis but I am letting Jon take her because hopefully next year I will be out west with her for Christmas if he ever lets me go with her.
Alexis started walking some more today I wish Jon could see all the things he is missing, but maybe he will over the hoildays I hope. He told me that he is probably going to Tami's for Christmas and I am happy for him I honestly am. I told him if he is to take Alexis with her because I can't give her a good Christmas this year, but he can I know he can.
I got new contacts and I am loving them taking some time to get used to and putting them in isn't always easy. I just want to feel better about myself and not be so down all the time and be happy and let ppl know I am happy and lately it hasn't been that at all I just want that back again. I seem to be fighting with Amanda all the time again maybe because she is the baby of the family and gets away with so much, she has her own car she can come and go as she pleases and well I can't because I can't past a stupid road test and it pisses me off because I really want and need my licence.
The new house is coming along slowly, they said it will now be February before we can move in which really isn't that far away. I really can't wait to move out of here it is just too small and crowded and wayyyyy toooo many memories for me and right now on top of everything else I can't deal with that.
Well that is all for now I will write when I can. I will be here all alone so you might hear from me more than ever over the hoildays:)
G2G Bye!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Things are getting better...
Hey guys,
I have been doing wonderful these last few days and I thankgod for Facebook lol I have found alot of ppl I went to high school with and catching up with them have been great. I really enjoy talking to ppl I havn't talked to in years and to find out ppl liked me but I was taken because I was with Jon wow if I only knew, but then again if Jon and I never got together I wouldn't of had the beautiful baby girl that I do have and she is my everything and people from day one when everything all came crashing down always told me things happen for a reason and well now I see it!
I have been talking to a guy who just came out of a 5 year relationship and he was happy to hear that he wasn't alone lol which is isn't at all. We talked on msn from 11:20pm to 5am my time he lives outwest and is doing great for himself so I am happy for him because that is something that he couldn't have done around here at all Sussex is just too small. I talked to him the next day and he said he felt bad keeping me up I said no you didn't I was happy to have someone to talk to because I couldn't sleep so he said oh in that case no problem it was my pleasure lol. Him and I are going out as friends on the 27th when he comes home for Xmas so I am really excited about that for sure. He told me not to worry about the cost and we could go anywhere I wanted to go I was like Holy Shit! That is just crazy and I even asked him if he was serious lol and he is Jon nevered paid for anything and so that made my jaw dropped down to the floor insane and he said that I should be treated like a princess I was like wow I have never felt that way and he told me that Jon was a dick for doing the things that he has done to me and he said that he will support me in anything I need support in WOW he is just amazing and he really doesn't know how much he has helped me, but anyone that knows me should see the difference I hope.
I was soo mad at Jon last night I have worked so hard on getting Alexis on a schedule and well I called and at 9pm she was eating cake and here she would have been asleep by 8:10pm so I was pretty upset that he wasn't doing his part by keeping her on the schedule that I have started with her and then when she goes to his house it takes me 3 days again to get her back on track and that isn't fair to Alexis or me I don't think anyway. So as soon as I can I am going to talk to Jon and see what I can figure out because I don't know what else to do I really don't.
Alot of things have come up lately and I have been doing alot of thinking and honestly for the best interest of Alexis I am thinking about taking this to court and getting full custody of her and then I really want to move outwest because alot of ppl I know are out there and I miss them the ones I used to hang out with at school. I think I can better my future and better myself adn raise Alexis better out there knowing that I won't have to put up with anymore bullshit from them two because I can't take much more. I will miss everyone here though and all my family and friends, but I want and need to be happy again and if moving away is what it takes then that is what I am going to have to do. I am still going to think long and hard about it though and maybe Jon just might let me move with her and he will see her when I fly home and things just like everyone will. I don't know if I will get that lucky but I should because he is the one that has put me through everything and is driving me away because I don't want to see him or Tami and I have the right to say that.
Alexis took her 1st steps the day she turned 144 months old, but she isn't walking yet she will take a step or two and then go back to crawling but I know she will be walking and talking and running before I know it and that makes me so proud of her and all the new things makes my heart melt and I know she will do just fine with her mommy because I can be a good mom!
That is all for now I have to get ready for my Dr. Appt today fun fun. My results from my blood work will be in and I am scared to death but I know I will be just fine and that is how I have to think is positive and keep my head up high!
G2G Bye!
I have been doing wonderful these last few days and I thankgod for Facebook lol I have found alot of ppl I went to high school with and catching up with them have been great. I really enjoy talking to ppl I havn't talked to in years and to find out ppl liked me but I was taken because I was with Jon wow if I only knew, but then again if Jon and I never got together I wouldn't of had the beautiful baby girl that I do have and she is my everything and people from day one when everything all came crashing down always told me things happen for a reason and well now I see it!
I have been talking to a guy who just came out of a 5 year relationship and he was happy to hear that he wasn't alone lol which is isn't at all. We talked on msn from 11:20pm to 5am my time he lives outwest and is doing great for himself so I am happy for him because that is something that he couldn't have done around here at all Sussex is just too small. I talked to him the next day and he said he felt bad keeping me up I said no you didn't I was happy to have someone to talk to because I couldn't sleep so he said oh in that case no problem it was my pleasure lol. Him and I are going out as friends on the 27th when he comes home for Xmas so I am really excited about that for sure. He told me not to worry about the cost and we could go anywhere I wanted to go I was like Holy Shit! That is just crazy and I even asked him if he was serious lol and he is Jon nevered paid for anything and so that made my jaw dropped down to the floor insane and he said that I should be treated like a princess I was like wow I have never felt that way and he told me that Jon was a dick for doing the things that he has done to me and he said that he will support me in anything I need support in WOW he is just amazing and he really doesn't know how much he has helped me, but anyone that knows me should see the difference I hope.
I was soo mad at Jon last night I have worked so hard on getting Alexis on a schedule and well I called and at 9pm she was eating cake and here she would have been asleep by 8:10pm so I was pretty upset that he wasn't doing his part by keeping her on the schedule that I have started with her and then when she goes to his house it takes me 3 days again to get her back on track and that isn't fair to Alexis or me I don't think anyway. So as soon as I can I am going to talk to Jon and see what I can figure out because I don't know what else to do I really don't.
Alot of things have come up lately and I have been doing alot of thinking and honestly for the best interest of Alexis I am thinking about taking this to court and getting full custody of her and then I really want to move outwest because alot of ppl I know are out there and I miss them the ones I used to hang out with at school. I think I can better my future and better myself adn raise Alexis better out there knowing that I won't have to put up with anymore bullshit from them two because I can't take much more. I will miss everyone here though and all my family and friends, but I want and need to be happy again and if moving away is what it takes then that is what I am going to have to do. I am still going to think long and hard about it though and maybe Jon just might let me move with her and he will see her when I fly home and things just like everyone will. I don't know if I will get that lucky but I should because he is the one that has put me through everything and is driving me away because I don't want to see him or Tami and I have the right to say that.
Alexis took her 1st steps the day she turned 144 months old, but she isn't walking yet she will take a step or two and then go back to crawling but I know she will be walking and talking and running before I know it and that makes me so proud of her and all the new things makes my heart melt and I know she will do just fine with her mommy because I can be a good mom!
That is all for now I have to get ready for my Dr. Appt today fun fun. My results from my blood work will be in and I am scared to death but I know I will be just fine and that is how I have to think is positive and keep my head up high!
G2G Bye!
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Ya I am stupid...
Hey guys,
Well the reason why I say this is because I have had some ups and downs and things have been kinda bad lately. Let me explain what I mean and then you guys can understand just exactly what have been going on.
First of all Tami asked me to stop calling and texting Jon so I have done that unless he textes me or calls me and then I am not going to be rude and ignore him, so ya I respected that and listened to her but the other day Jon texted me and asked me for the money for the jeep and well I said no and aparently he got all pissy and cranky so then Tami comes on msn and messages me and well it did not go good and I found out alot of lies and everything she told me hurt me so bad and no one seems to understand that.
Anyway I confronted Jon about it and he said that he didn't say anything and well I don't know what to believe anymore I really don't. I said no to him and then his parents told me that I should give him the money and that way he gets to keep his jeep so I was stupid and did that and well since he gotton the money I havn't heard from him at all and so there for he just used me yet again, anyway that is how I feel.
Alexis is almost 14 months old and I can't believe it where has the time gone? She still isn't walking but talking lots more and learning lots more things she is such a smart little girl and I love her to pieces. I can and cannot wait for xmas because I don't want to be alone but on the other hand I can't wait to wake my baby girl bright and early and all that fun stuff.
Anyway I have been talking to an old ex boyfriend of mine and he has been wonderful no other words for it. I mean this guy is willing to give up his wonderful life to make me happy I think that is just wrong and I really don't want Andrew doing that just for me. He told me he has often thought about me but knew I was with Jon and thought I was happy well I was happy but Jon wasn't and there is really nothing I can do about that but as long as you all know I did try and that is really all I could have done. I would give me life to Jon he just doesn't see it oh well that is over with there will never be a Jon and Rebekah again.
That is all for now I will write when I can I am busy with my daughter alot and she is my world and my everything just like her daddy was.
G2G Bye!
Well the reason why I say this is because I have had some ups and downs and things have been kinda bad lately. Let me explain what I mean and then you guys can understand just exactly what have been going on.
First of all Tami asked me to stop calling and texting Jon so I have done that unless he textes me or calls me and then I am not going to be rude and ignore him, so ya I respected that and listened to her but the other day Jon texted me and asked me for the money for the jeep and well I said no and aparently he got all pissy and cranky so then Tami comes on msn and messages me and well it did not go good and I found out alot of lies and everything she told me hurt me so bad and no one seems to understand that.
Anyway I confronted Jon about it and he said that he didn't say anything and well I don't know what to believe anymore I really don't. I said no to him and then his parents told me that I should give him the money and that way he gets to keep his jeep so I was stupid and did that and well since he gotton the money I havn't heard from him at all and so there for he just used me yet again, anyway that is how I feel.
Alexis is almost 14 months old and I can't believe it where has the time gone? She still isn't walking but talking lots more and learning lots more things she is such a smart little girl and I love her to pieces. I can and cannot wait for xmas because I don't want to be alone but on the other hand I can't wait to wake my baby girl bright and early and all that fun stuff.
Anyway I have been talking to an old ex boyfriend of mine and he has been wonderful no other words for it. I mean this guy is willing to give up his wonderful life to make me happy I think that is just wrong and I really don't want Andrew doing that just for me. He told me he has often thought about me but knew I was with Jon and thought I was happy well I was happy but Jon wasn't and there is really nothing I can do about that but as long as you all know I did try and that is really all I could have done. I would give me life to Jon he just doesn't see it oh well that is over with there will never be a Jon and Rebekah again.
That is all for now I will write when I can I am busy with my daughter alot and she is my world and my everything just like her daddy was.
G2G Bye!
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