I love myself...

Hey guys,

Well I know your probably thinking woah whats up with the title and well I am going to explain to you as I type some more... Alot of things have been happening and I have my bad days but man oh man I have my good days and I love them!

Well for starters I am moving and will be going back to school so that is a huge thing for me. I am scared to death to move to Saint John but it is something I need to do, not just me but for Alexis as well. It helps to know that I will have ppl there so it won't be so bad maybe lonely at nights but that is to be expected your reading about the girl who doesn't even like the dark or to be by herself lol. I am so happy to have been introduced to Ashlee she has been a godsent like wow amazing for sure. She said that she would take me anywhere I needed to go and doesn't want any money for doing that. I offered to pay her but she said she would not accept my money even if she was to drive me to Sussex I am like that is crazy bc Sussex is 1 hr away from where I am moving to. All she told me was to pay it forward and I will. I like that idea and love that movie and if everyone did that what a good world we would live in. I turn 23 on June 20th and will be starting school on June 30th omg not that far away actually wow! I am moving to SJ in May so that gives me a little over a month to find my way around and unpack and all that fun stuff. I am looking forward to a few things actually when I do move...
1) hanging out with friends
2) going for walks with Ashlee(we plan on getting into shape)
3) learning how to live and survive on my own
4) going to school and putting 110% of my effort into my school work
5) meeting new ppl guys or girls
6) finding myself along the way
So those are some things I am really looking forward to when I do actually move there I need to learn how to have some fun as well though and just live my life to the fullest everyday! The thought of living in the city scares me but I know I will be ok and I will always have ppl to back me up and that helps alot with this.

Life has been very busy for me lately with me running to SJ for school appointments there have been alot lately and I know there will be more too. Alexis keeps me extremly busy into everything soooo curious and I am ok with that I like that fact that she can explore and learn new things everyday I think it is wonderful! Lately I have been trying to capture good moments of her so I will always have them like when I am in school and missing her I can go on FB and watch my little girl on video so that hopefully will help but I need to remember I am doing everything for not not just me but her too.

Well I am trying to forget about Jamie, he has totally blocked me out of his life so if he wants to do that than he isn't worth my time anymore sad to say but true. I will always worry about him and wonder how he and his boys are but that is just who I am I do care about ppl even if they hate my guts. As the days go on the pain that I am feeling will fade and I will meet someone knew and probably when I am not looking or expecting it, it is the way those kind of things always go.

The whole reason for my title is bc I need to love myself right now I don't like things about me and I am trying to change them so I can feel good about myself. I have been through alot and all those things that go bad do a # on me and I don't want that. The way I have to look at things are one thing goes bad so two things go good maybe it will help we will see anyway I guess. I am never going to have that special someone to love me for me if I don't even love myself all I will have is some sucker that takes advantage of me which isn't good bc it hurts knowing I was a "quick fix" for someone. That isn't what I just want to be I want to be loved and accepted for me. I don't think that is too much to ask at all but it seems impossible to find a guy like that. Back to what I was saying I am going to work sooooo hard on loving myself and boosting my self-eestem bc really it is low and that isn't good either and I do know this so now it is time for me to come to reality and fix the problems I have with myself, time for me to stop avoiding them and just face them.

That is all the news I have tonight it is extremly late and time for bed. Like as I am typing this it is 1:50am and Alexis will be up before I know it so have a good night. I will update when I can.

G2G Bye!