Hey guys,
This one is for John...
I miss you
I miss everything about you, the way you hold me the way you loved me the way you kissed me, the way you gave me the silent treatment when you were mad at me which drove me bonkers lol.
I even miss the time you got mad at me and knocked out my front tooth I was 5 months pregnant but see I miss all the good and bad things about you call me crazy call me whatever but I miss you!
I just want you back more than anything I really don't understand why you left me and when I asked you all you tell me was you were stupid and well that isn't answer and doesn't help me out any. Can't you see that I screwed up and I know that now but I am willing to fix any problem you had with me and I want to try to make things work for Alexis please know this John that I am sorry!!
I love you and I just want you to hold me close to you again and that is all I want I just want you hun more than anything in this world I asked god everyday why he has done such a horriable thing everyday I pray and asked him this and well I still havn't gotton any answers so I am not sure what this all means.
When I asked you if we would ever have another chance you tell me to give you time and well I really need to know soon because everyone deserves a second chance and well I havn't gotton mine yet.
Anyway baby I just wanted you to know how much I miss you and love you and just want to be with you remember our song always.....In a real love!!!!
I wrote this blog to John and even though he may never read it I just wanted to get it off my mind but I really do miss him and care about him alot and I want him to know that what I have been through has not been easy but I am dealing with it the best way I know how to. That is all I have for now so I will stop typing for the night!
G2G Bye!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Hmmmm I don't know anymore.....
Hey guys,
Well I am not sure what to think or do anymore I miss John alot but I am tired of the bullshit that him and his gf has put me through. Everything was good untill she came back and then it all started yet again I was called a Bitch and I was told some nasty comments and I shouldn't have to put up with that. Since I am called a bitch so much I have decided to become one....that being said I am no longer paying for the jeep or giving him money or even talking to him I am done with him. I don't want to see him or hear from him again it will be hard because we have Alexis but I am trying to work around that issue.
Our house is coming along good, it is taking time but it is still coming. The boys have been working away on it but they can't come till noon now because Scott still has school and I told John that I didn't want him working there for them anymore so therefore that was hard to tell him that but whatever I had to do it so I did remember I am bitch after all!
Alexis is fine still not going to bed on time but if that is the only problem then hey that is ok. She has been talking up a storm it is so funny and all the little words she is saying it is crazy. Alexis can say "hi" 'bye" "cat" "mama" "dada" "nana" and lots more so that is good. I think she is doing really well with everything and her almost walking is exciting but sad at the same time.
Amanda and Josh are doing really good as to mom and Clarence are so I guess I am the only one not doing good but someday that will change and I will be doing good again I hope. Jess and Art are doing really good and I am more than happy for her she deserves a good guy just like everyone does.
Anyway I think that is all for now if I can I will update tomorrow but I don't know what the day will bring. I know for the weekend I am taking the baby to PEI so I am really excited about that. I have to go now talk to you all later.
G2G bye!
Well I am not sure what to think or do anymore I miss John alot but I am tired of the bullshit that him and his gf has put me through. Everything was good untill she came back and then it all started yet again I was called a Bitch and I was told some nasty comments and I shouldn't have to put up with that. Since I am called a bitch so much I have decided to become one....that being said I am no longer paying for the jeep or giving him money or even talking to him I am done with him. I don't want to see him or hear from him again it will be hard because we have Alexis but I am trying to work around that issue.
Our house is coming along good, it is taking time but it is still coming. The boys have been working away on it but they can't come till noon now because Scott still has school and I told John that I didn't want him working there for them anymore so therefore that was hard to tell him that but whatever I had to do it so I did remember I am bitch after all!
Alexis is fine still not going to bed on time but if that is the only problem then hey that is ok. She has been talking up a storm it is so funny and all the little words she is saying it is crazy. Alexis can say "hi" 'bye" "cat" "mama" "dada" "nana" and lots more so that is good. I think she is doing really well with everything and her almost walking is exciting but sad at the same time.
Amanda and Josh are doing really good as to mom and Clarence are so I guess I am the only one not doing good but someday that will change and I will be doing good again I hope. Jess and Art are doing really good and I am more than happy for her she deserves a good guy just like everyone does.
Anyway I think that is all for now if I can I will update tomorrow but I don't know what the day will bring. I know for the weekend I am taking the baby to PEI so I am really excited about that. I have to go now talk to you all later.
G2G bye!
Monday, October 29, 2007
Almost back to normal...
Hey guys,
Well I have been doing good and will hopefully continue to do good. I have been happy and I had a really good busy weekend. John, Nick, Daniel, William, Rob, Scott, Mom, Clarence and I have all been working on our new house so now I say it is the house that love built so that is pretty cool. We want to be moved in by Christmas but we are not really sure if that is going to happen now or not, but time will tell I guess.
Wow I have had some time to do some thinking and I talked alot the other night when John and I went to town for a bit it was good I still havn't got that closure yet but I am now understanding alot more and still trying to figure things out and will continue to do so. I was honest with him and told him that I am not going to sit there and tell him that I don't want him back because that means I would be lying to him because I think everyone who knows me knows I just want what we used to have back sorry to say but I do. I finally got the guts and asked him a personal question about me I asked him since I was his 1st and he has slept with someone else now was I bad at sex and he said no I was good so that made me feel better about myself. I still like the fact that I have only slept with one guy I am not sure I just don't see myself having random sex with just anybody that would be kind of odd that is for sure. I texted John last night and said if him and Tami don't work out would he ever give me another chance and if it don't work then it don't work but hey it was at least another chance. He said he needed time so I told him I wanted to know soon because if he says yes then I will wait for him. I know you are probably thinking I am crazy and well maybe I am I don't know but I still love John and care about him alot. When working with him it takes all I got to not go up and just hug him as much as I want and miss his hugs I would never do that to him. I have realized that I havn't had any money lately but yet he got paid and bought me supper so that was nice of him and then he dropped me back off and helped Clarence bring in some wood we just got thankgod we needed wood! He left after that and that is when I texted him was on his way home. At the end of the night I said I was sorry for everything and he told me not to worry about it. So as I was saying I now know he is not using me for money so that is a good thing.
Alexis is almost walking it is crazy Diane(John's mom) brought her to the new house yesterday and there was our 1 year old standing all by herself I was like wow daddy(John) look at her! He was like walk to daddy and although she didn't it was still cute and she can actually stand for a few minutes all by herself as long as she isn't paying attention to what she is doing than she is fine. She is looking more and more like John everyday it is so hard to believe that she hasn't really changed her looks much just got bigger and her hair has gotton longer and she has gotton taller as well but other than that she still looks the same basically.
Jessica and Art are doing amazinly good and Jess is excited and scared at the same time to maybe become a step mother to Maddy and Tyra that is so excting and I am so beyond happy for her. I can understand where she is coming from being scared and all but I see her with Alexis and I know she will make an awesome mother someday. The 1st time she held Maddy was last weekend and she went right to sleep on her not alot of babies will do that unless they are comfy so that must tell you something Jess she is comfortable with you and you do wonderful with her.
Mom and Clarence are doing good they don't have alot of time to themselves but I think they are going to PEI next month for a weekend so that will be good for them. I love Clarence as a stepfather he is wonderful and amazing and so good to Amanda and I so that helps alot.
Amanda is my younger sister and I find it bad that she is 20 and I am 22 and I have only slept with one guy and she is now on her 3rd I think that is just bad well for me I mean not for her I am happy for Amanda and I hope her and Joss work out. Amanda and I get along pretty good maybe because she is never home I am not so sure but we talk and when I have gas money she will come get me but that doesn't happen very often lol.
Anyway I think that is everybody so I will update later and for now I have a room to clean ugggg!! Sorry but I despise cleaning my room always have always will lol.
G2G Bye!
Well I have been doing good and will hopefully continue to do good. I have been happy and I had a really good busy weekend. John, Nick, Daniel, William, Rob, Scott, Mom, Clarence and I have all been working on our new house so now I say it is the house that love built so that is pretty cool. We want to be moved in by Christmas but we are not really sure if that is going to happen now or not, but time will tell I guess.
Wow I have had some time to do some thinking and I talked alot the other night when John and I went to town for a bit it was good I still havn't got that closure yet but I am now understanding alot more and still trying to figure things out and will continue to do so. I was honest with him and told him that I am not going to sit there and tell him that I don't want him back because that means I would be lying to him because I think everyone who knows me knows I just want what we used to have back sorry to say but I do. I finally got the guts and asked him a personal question about me I asked him since I was his 1st and he has slept with someone else now was I bad at sex and he said no I was good so that made me feel better about myself. I still like the fact that I have only slept with one guy I am not sure I just don't see myself having random sex with just anybody that would be kind of odd that is for sure. I texted John last night and said if him and Tami don't work out would he ever give me another chance and if it don't work then it don't work but hey it was at least another chance. He said he needed time so I told him I wanted to know soon because if he says yes then I will wait for him. I know you are probably thinking I am crazy and well maybe I am I don't know but I still love John and care about him alot. When working with him it takes all I got to not go up and just hug him as much as I want and miss his hugs I would never do that to him. I have realized that I havn't had any money lately but yet he got paid and bought me supper so that was nice of him and then he dropped me back off and helped Clarence bring in some wood we just got thankgod we needed wood! He left after that and that is when I texted him was on his way home. At the end of the night I said I was sorry for everything and he told me not to worry about it. So as I was saying I now know he is not using me for money so that is a good thing.
Alexis is almost walking it is crazy Diane(John's mom) brought her to the new house yesterday and there was our 1 year old standing all by herself I was like wow daddy(John) look at her! He was like walk to daddy and although she didn't it was still cute and she can actually stand for a few minutes all by herself as long as she isn't paying attention to what she is doing than she is fine. She is looking more and more like John everyday it is so hard to believe that she hasn't really changed her looks much just got bigger and her hair has gotton longer and she has gotton taller as well but other than that she still looks the same basically.
Jessica and Art are doing amazinly good and Jess is excited and scared at the same time to maybe become a step mother to Maddy and Tyra that is so excting and I am so beyond happy for her. I can understand where she is coming from being scared and all but I see her with Alexis and I know she will make an awesome mother someday. The 1st time she held Maddy was last weekend and she went right to sleep on her not alot of babies will do that unless they are comfy so that must tell you something Jess she is comfortable with you and you do wonderful with her.
Mom and Clarence are doing good they don't have alot of time to themselves but I think they are going to PEI next month for a weekend so that will be good for them. I love Clarence as a stepfather he is wonderful and amazing and so good to Amanda and I so that helps alot.
Amanda is my younger sister and I find it bad that she is 20 and I am 22 and I have only slept with one guy and she is now on her 3rd I think that is just bad well for me I mean not for her I am happy for Amanda and I hope her and Joss work out. Amanda and I get along pretty good maybe because she is never home I am not so sure but we talk and when I have gas money she will come get me but that doesn't happen very often lol.
Anyway I think that is everybody so I will update later and for now I have a room to clean ugggg!! Sorry but I despise cleaning my room always have always will lol.
G2G Bye!
Friday, October 26, 2007
Just thinking...
Hey guys,
Well I know it has been awhile since I last posted so I thought I would let you all know how I am doing. I must say that things were getting better but are back to the way they were and seem to be getting worst as the days go on.
Anyway I think I have realized that John only wants something to do with me when I have money so I am putting a stop to that I must say. It is going to make me feel bad but I can't sleep hurting myself like that I really can't.
Well as I was saying John and Tami are back together yet again I just don't understand how she seems to get that lucky god John didn't want to make things work for us but yet he wants to make it work for them and he believes her and then takes her back. I am so beyond confused about this one I just don't understand I really don't. All I am going to say is that Tami is soooooo lucky to have a great guy!!!!!
Anyway Alexis is doing great and someday I will be doing good too I hope that day comes real soon. What I need from John is closure if that is what you call it. I need to know what I did so wrong and so bad that it couldn't be fixed or even talked about that is what I need to know. I want to know this and for him to tell me because I need to move on but I am scared to because I don't want to screw up again like I did this time. Once I get this from him I know it will hurt but it will be good for me to know the truth and well the truth hurts and then I can finally heal from all the heartache and pain I have been feeling all this time.
That is all for now I should go and try to get a fire going. I am soooo cold and I hate the thought of winter this year lol. I am not sure what my plans are for the weekend but if you don't hear from me on the weekend then Monday I will update if I can.
G2G Bye!
Well I know it has been awhile since I last posted so I thought I would let you all know how I am doing. I must say that things were getting better but are back to the way they were and seem to be getting worst as the days go on.
Anyway I think I have realized that John only wants something to do with me when I have money so I am putting a stop to that I must say. It is going to make me feel bad but I can't sleep hurting myself like that I really can't.
Well as I was saying John and Tami are back together yet again I just don't understand how she seems to get that lucky god John didn't want to make things work for us but yet he wants to make it work for them and he believes her and then takes her back. I am so beyond confused about this one I just don't understand I really don't. All I am going to say is that Tami is soooooo lucky to have a great guy!!!!!
Anyway Alexis is doing great and someday I will be doing good too I hope that day comes real soon. What I need from John is closure if that is what you call it. I need to know what I did so wrong and so bad that it couldn't be fixed or even talked about that is what I need to know. I want to know this and for him to tell me because I need to move on but I am scared to because I don't want to screw up again like I did this time. Once I get this from him I know it will hurt but it will be good for me to know the truth and well the truth hurts and then I can finally heal from all the heartache and pain I have been feeling all this time.
That is all for now I should go and try to get a fire going. I am soooo cold and I hate the thought of winter this year lol. I am not sure what my plans are for the weekend but if you don't hear from me on the weekend then Monday I will update if I can.
G2G Bye!
Monday, October 22, 2007
I am leaving...
Hey guys,
Well I am going out west in a month would have been sooner but Jessica told me to stay and see how I make out in a month if nothing changes then I am gone outta here for good! I don't want to leave my family and John's family and my friends behind but I need to I need to just leave all the good and bad memories behind and start new out there.
Well as you can see John and Tami played one mean fucking dirty twisted sick joke on me and that hurts more than anything right now and I am not sure how to deal with it again. He got money from me and then I wanted to take him out to get something to eat and well I get this message from Tami that said he was busy and wasn't coming home oh and nothing between them is any of my business expect a little nastier than that. So therefor he used me lead me on hurt me once again and I am just to stupid but not any more I am never falling for it agian!!!!!!
Anyway Alexis is in bed and I am emotionally exhausted and just can't deal with it anymore. So I will update later and all I have to say is that I am so very stupid for not listening to ppl thanks guys all you were doing was watching out for me.
G2G Bye!
Well I am going out west in a month would have been sooner but Jessica told me to stay and see how I make out in a month if nothing changes then I am gone outta here for good! I don't want to leave my family and John's family and my friends behind but I need to I need to just leave all the good and bad memories behind and start new out there.
Well as you can see John and Tami played one mean fucking dirty twisted sick joke on me and that hurts more than anything right now and I am not sure how to deal with it again. He got money from me and then I wanted to take him out to get something to eat and well I get this message from Tami that said he was busy and wasn't coming home oh and nothing between them is any of my business expect a little nastier than that. So therefor he used me lead me on hurt me once again and I am just to stupid but not any more I am never falling for it agian!!!!!!
Anyway Alexis is in bed and I am emotionally exhausted and just can't deal with it anymore. So I will update later and all I have to say is that I am so very stupid for not listening to ppl thanks guys all you were doing was watching out for me.
G2G Bye!
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Wow things change...
Hey guys,
It has been a crazy week and lots have happened that is for sure. Lets see I had a fun week it has been a blast. Wednesday night Peirce came out and kept me company and it was fun just to have someone there with me again. Thursday I worked on the house that was awesome too and we are getting alot accomplished that is for sure they boys have been working hard at it so they are doing a great job. Thanks guys!!!!!
John and Tami are not together anymore she cheated on him and that upsets me because she breaks us up and thinks nothing of it, and then she turns arounds and makes out with some guy at the bar that is just crazy! In the 7 years that John and I have been together I would NEVER have even thought about cheating on him I guess when you really truely love someone you just don't do that in my opinion I don't know maybe I am wrong.
What I really would like is for John and I to get back together and just take things slow and go from there, and just see if things will work or not. I know John needs time right now because he gave up alot to be with someone who cheated on him and he put all of his trust into her which still blows me away that she would do that. I am going to give him time but I know for myself I can't wait forever but I know I have never stopped loving him how could I we have been through so much together over the years. If we did start seeing each other again it would be different this time that is for sure. I think John just went through his mid-life crisis ealry or something I am not really sure what went through his head or what he was thinking. Anyway we will wait and see what happens I guess that is all I can do.
Jessica and Art are doing good I was at her house this weekend and we had alot of fun. She had a house full but Jess finally got to hold Maddie and that was awesome because she fell right to sleep on her and Tyra is other daughter was soooooo hyper but she was some funny it was good. We had pizza and pop and it was Jess' dad's birthday so we had cake too it was yummy!! Sunday which is today we made Apple pies and that was fun too and then her sister Becky and I made 2 big pizzas loaded with toppings everything tasted so good. After supper we watched Fantastic 4 number 2 the new one it was a kick ass movie. We then headed into town and Peirce treated us to an ice cream at DQ omg it was soooooo good! Thankyou Peirce you are an awesome friend who have been there for me through everything I am very lucky I got the opportunity to know you:)
Mom and Clarence are doing awesome and are a happily married couple they are so cute lol! I really can't wait to be moved into our new house they said hopefully by Christmas so that is 2 months away so I can't wait it will be good once we move.
Alexis is doing amazingly well I have been trying to get her on a schedule and it seems to be working so I am happy about that. I am actually doing something for once and that feels so good! She isn't walking yet but she will be soon that is a scary thought that is for sure. She can say a few words and wave and give high 5 so that is pretty cool. She is learning so much and mimics you some bad now it is crazy. Anyway my baby is growing up wayyyyyy to fast next thing I know she will be turning 2 and then 16 and then always asking for the car wow I have alot to look forward too lol.
Anyway that is the update about everyone yah I think that covers everything I hope lol. I will update tomorrow if I can.
G2G Bye!!
It has been a crazy week and lots have happened that is for sure. Lets see I had a fun week it has been a blast. Wednesday night Peirce came out and kept me company and it was fun just to have someone there with me again. Thursday I worked on the house that was awesome too and we are getting alot accomplished that is for sure they boys have been working hard at it so they are doing a great job. Thanks guys!!!!!
John and Tami are not together anymore she cheated on him and that upsets me because she breaks us up and thinks nothing of it, and then she turns arounds and makes out with some guy at the bar that is just crazy! In the 7 years that John and I have been together I would NEVER have even thought about cheating on him I guess when you really truely love someone you just don't do that in my opinion I don't know maybe I am wrong.
What I really would like is for John and I to get back together and just take things slow and go from there, and just see if things will work or not. I know John needs time right now because he gave up alot to be with someone who cheated on him and he put all of his trust into her which still blows me away that she would do that. I am going to give him time but I know for myself I can't wait forever but I know I have never stopped loving him how could I we have been through so much together over the years. If we did start seeing each other again it would be different this time that is for sure. I think John just went through his mid-life crisis ealry or something I am not really sure what went through his head or what he was thinking. Anyway we will wait and see what happens I guess that is all I can do.
Jessica and Art are doing good I was at her house this weekend and we had alot of fun. She had a house full but Jess finally got to hold Maddie and that was awesome because she fell right to sleep on her and Tyra is other daughter was soooooo hyper but she was some funny it was good. We had pizza and pop and it was Jess' dad's birthday so we had cake too it was yummy!! Sunday which is today we made Apple pies and that was fun too and then her sister Becky and I made 2 big pizzas loaded with toppings everything tasted so good. After supper we watched Fantastic 4 number 2 the new one it was a kick ass movie. We then headed into town and Peirce treated us to an ice cream at DQ omg it was soooooo good! Thankyou Peirce you are an awesome friend who have been there for me through everything I am very lucky I got the opportunity to know you:)
Mom and Clarence are doing awesome and are a happily married couple they are so cute lol! I really can't wait to be moved into our new house they said hopefully by Christmas so that is 2 months away so I can't wait it will be good once we move.
Alexis is doing amazingly well I have been trying to get her on a schedule and it seems to be working so I am happy about that. I am actually doing something for once and that feels so good! She isn't walking yet but she will be soon that is a scary thought that is for sure. She can say a few words and wave and give high 5 so that is pretty cool. She is learning so much and mimics you some bad now it is crazy. Anyway my baby is growing up wayyyyyy to fast next thing I know she will be turning 2 and then 16 and then always asking for the car wow I have alot to look forward too lol.
Anyway that is the update about everyone yah I think that covers everything I hope lol. I will update tomorrow if I can.
G2G Bye!!
Sunday, October 14, 2007
I don't know what to do or what to think anymore...
Hey guys,
I know I haven't posted in a while but I have been extremly busy with the house and the wedding it has been insane! The insanlness is finally starting to settle down now.
The house is coming along good we should be able to move in by Christmas so we are hoping anyway. Mom and Clarence hired a good hard working crew to work on their house because they can't do it for they are going back to work. I can't wait to move and start fresh see John and I won't have any memories at the new place so I think that will help me heal from everything I have been through and still going through.......
Anyway it is 2:30am and my 1 year old just went to sleep thank god but her mommy needs sleep right now will continue you in the morning when I wake up I promise!!!!!!!!
I did continue last night like promised but it didn't save so here I go again. I will try to think about what I wrote about last night.
The wedding was awesome and I had such a fun time it was just plain great! I have never had so much fun in my life. We arrived there at 4:00pm with mom and mom's maid of honor(Amanda) and then Alexis Jess and me all went inside and when we walked in Peirce was there with some of John's family. I asked Peirce to come and he did so that meant alot because alot of guys don't like going to weddings. Alexis was dressed up and looked so pretty but when doesn't she lol. She was so good during the wedding and barely said anything basically to sum it up she was on her very best behaviour and did fine for a 1 year old. After the wedding we all ate omg the food was amazing and we still have lots left over lol. Then it was time for ppl to get outside and relax while we were cleaning up from the reception. Jess Peirce and I stayed outside quite a bit and Diane and Elmer(John's parents) asked me if they could take Alexis for the night and I thought ya that would be good so that she could go to bed at a half decent time because I knew we were going to be there untill the end. So they took her home with them and then we went outside again and just talked and played tag it was fun, although I could never tell who was it lol but it was all good. Anyway we stayed outside untill Peirce had to leave at 8:30pm because he had to be at work by 9pm so anyway after he left we back inside and started dancing the night away which by the way we did we didn't stop we just kept dancing. Mom and Clarence had a blast too it was all country music and it was such a wicked ass time. I am happy to see my mom happy and it is sweet how they call each other husband and wife now too cute for sure! Anyway that is all over with now and I just want to thank Peirce and Jess for coming with me you 2 are the bestest friends that I could ever ask for thanks for being there with me and for me through the thick and the thin I know lately it has been thickness but I am hoping that will change soon. Once again though thankyou!!!!
Alexis is doing fine and she is almost walking now that is just crazy to think of I miss my baby that little helpless one that we brought home over a year ago now it saddens me to think of all those times and how small she used to be. She will be going for her needles tomorrow I am scared to death I hate needles with a passion but she doesn't so that is good, that she isn't like me her mommy lol. I decided to try something new last night and not bath her and she was asleep by 10:00pm, not something that happens often that is for sure. I am going to try that again tonight to make sure it wasn't just a fluke.
That is all for now oh Jess and Art are going out again on Friday so that is exciting I am so happy for her. Peirce and I were invited to her house for a pizza party and I really want to go. I am not sure what Peirce is doing whether or not he is going but if he does than that is great and if he doesn't then there is always a next time right.
G2G Bye!
I know I haven't posted in a while but I have been extremly busy with the house and the wedding it has been insane! The insanlness is finally starting to settle down now.
The house is coming along good we should be able to move in by Christmas so we are hoping anyway. Mom and Clarence hired a good hard working crew to work on their house because they can't do it for they are going back to work. I can't wait to move and start fresh see John and I won't have any memories at the new place so I think that will help me heal from everything I have been through and still going through.......
Anyway it is 2:30am and my 1 year old just went to sleep thank god but her mommy needs sleep right now will continue you in the morning when I wake up I promise!!!!!!!!
I did continue last night like promised but it didn't save so here I go again. I will try to think about what I wrote about last night.
The wedding was awesome and I had such a fun time it was just plain great! I have never had so much fun in my life. We arrived there at 4:00pm with mom and mom's maid of honor(Amanda) and then Alexis Jess and me all went inside and when we walked in Peirce was there with some of John's family. I asked Peirce to come and he did so that meant alot because alot of guys don't like going to weddings. Alexis was dressed up and looked so pretty but when doesn't she lol. She was so good during the wedding and barely said anything basically to sum it up she was on her very best behaviour and did fine for a 1 year old. After the wedding we all ate omg the food was amazing and we still have lots left over lol. Then it was time for ppl to get outside and relax while we were cleaning up from the reception. Jess Peirce and I stayed outside quite a bit and Diane and Elmer(John's parents) asked me if they could take Alexis for the night and I thought ya that would be good so that she could go to bed at a half decent time because I knew we were going to be there untill the end. So they took her home with them and then we went outside again and just talked and played tag it was fun, although I could never tell who was it lol but it was all good. Anyway we stayed outside untill Peirce had to leave at 8:30pm because he had to be at work by 9pm so anyway after he left we back inside and started dancing the night away which by the way we did we didn't stop we just kept dancing. Mom and Clarence had a blast too it was all country music and it was such a wicked ass time. I am happy to see my mom happy and it is sweet how they call each other husband and wife now too cute for sure! Anyway that is all over with now and I just want to thank Peirce and Jess for coming with me you 2 are the bestest friends that I could ever ask for thanks for being there with me and for me through the thick and the thin I know lately it has been thickness but I am hoping that will change soon. Once again though thankyou!!!!
Alexis is doing fine and she is almost walking now that is just crazy to think of I miss my baby that little helpless one that we brought home over a year ago now it saddens me to think of all those times and how small she used to be. She will be going for her needles tomorrow I am scared to death I hate needles with a passion but she doesn't so that is good, that she isn't like me her mommy lol. I decided to try something new last night and not bath her and she was asleep by 10:00pm, not something that happens often that is for sure. I am going to try that again tonight to make sure it wasn't just a fluke.
That is all for now oh Jess and Art are going out again on Friday so that is exciting I am so happy for her. Peirce and I were invited to her house for a pizza party and I really want to go. I am not sure what Peirce is doing whether or not he is going but if he does than that is great and if he doesn't then there is always a next time right.
G2G Bye!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Alexis' 1st Birthday and the new house...
Hey guys,
I havn't posted in a while because I have been so busy lately working on my parents new house and trying to get things done. It is coming along really good and we now have a roof and a full wall up so that is awesome and we are all doing a great job!
Well my baby is 1 today I cried most of today and was like at this time last year this is what was happening and the day kept on playing over and over in my head and now that little 7 pound baby is 22 pounds, she is growing like a bad weed and the time has gone by so fast it is scary just how fast it flew by. It wasn't a good year for me but it is getting better and I feel better I really do. We are having a party for her saturday or sunday not sure which day it is yet lol I am doing good to get that far. I still just can't believe that she is 1 where has the time gone that is all I have to say??
Well I feel horriable because I was supposed to have someone over tonight and well I was working late because we wanted to get alot done because of the wedding and everything and we were running out of time so that is why I stayed late but I tried to call him to tell him that and I still have a drive now for him but he won't talk to me right now can't say I blame him. Hopefully I can make it up to him and fix things like they used to be.
Anyway that is all I am exausted and ready for bed and I have alot of work to do tomorrow between the house and the wedding I am overloaded lol.
G2G Bye!
I havn't posted in a while because I have been so busy lately working on my parents new house and trying to get things done. It is coming along really good and we now have a roof and a full wall up so that is awesome and we are all doing a great job!
Well my baby is 1 today I cried most of today and was like at this time last year this is what was happening and the day kept on playing over and over in my head and now that little 7 pound baby is 22 pounds, she is growing like a bad weed and the time has gone by so fast it is scary just how fast it flew by. It wasn't a good year for me but it is getting better and I feel better I really do. We are having a party for her saturday or sunday not sure which day it is yet lol I am doing good to get that far. I still just can't believe that she is 1 where has the time gone that is all I have to say??
Well I feel horriable because I was supposed to have someone over tonight and well I was working late because we wanted to get alot done because of the wedding and everything and we were running out of time so that is why I stayed late but I tried to call him to tell him that and I still have a drive now for him but he won't talk to me right now can't say I blame him. Hopefully I can make it up to him and fix things like they used to be.
Anyway that is all I am exausted and ready for bed and I have alot of work to do tomorrow between the house and the wedding I am overloaded lol.
G2G Bye!
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Update on everyone and everything...
Hey guys,
Well I am just in such a good mood and have been lately it is a really nice feeling, something I havn't felt in a long time. Everyone says that things happen for a reason and I think I am now finding out what that reason is and it is making perfect sense.
I am living my life the way it should be lived I am not saying I don't have my down days because there are times when I do but what I am saying is that I am finally moving on and going forward with my life. Living my life the way it should be lived and not I shouldn't care what people say or think anymore.
I did go out with Art on friday night and well I just don't feel that "click" that you usually have so that isn't going to work out between us but on the plus side Jessica likes him alot and she actually asked me permission to go with him why I am still not sure yet, but I was more than happy and thrilled for her someday I will find Mr. Right someday just not today and really I think that is ok. Jess is trying to convince me to go out with this guy that I have known for 7 years but I am still not sure yet I just found out that he doesn't believe in marriage why I don't know but that really bugs me because I want to have that day that it is all about me and you know I want to experience the married life. That is a big problem for if him and I would ever be together because that is important to me to be married not just common-law. I have done that and look where it got me, single lol because there in no commintment at least with a marriage there is one and it is a good thing and hopefully means the same to me as it does to that Mr. Right I hope.
Anyway I miss my baby girl alot but she is with her father and that is a good thing, but it is still hard on me that is for sure. I know she is feeling better so I am happy about that she was some sick for a little while so I am exscatic that she is so much better. I love Alexis I love being with her and just holding her. I don't know where the year has gone I really don't, it seems just like yesterday she was born and I will always remember the look on her father's face how proud he was what happened to that? What happened to what we used to have? Anyway I always seem to find myself depressed when I take the time to think about shit why do I do this to myself I am just hurting myself once again.
I have been working on our new house quite a bit and I love doing it. It is coming right along and tomorrow morning I will be helping my parents put on the roof so that is very exciting. They will be married next weekend and I will finally have an official step dad so that is wonderful too. I am more than lucky to have a wonderful mom and dad and now a step father some people don't get that lucky, but I did.
Anyways that is all for now so I will try to update more often when I have the time that is. I have been extremely busy with the house and the wedding but it will slow back down after everything is done.
G2G Bye!
Well I am just in such a good mood and have been lately it is a really nice feeling, something I havn't felt in a long time. Everyone says that things happen for a reason and I think I am now finding out what that reason is and it is making perfect sense.
I am living my life the way it should be lived I am not saying I don't have my down days because there are times when I do but what I am saying is that I am finally moving on and going forward with my life. Living my life the way it should be lived and not I shouldn't care what people say or think anymore.
I did go out with Art on friday night and well I just don't feel that "click" that you usually have so that isn't going to work out between us but on the plus side Jessica likes him alot and she actually asked me permission to go with him why I am still not sure yet, but I was more than happy and thrilled for her someday I will find Mr. Right someday just not today and really I think that is ok. Jess is trying to convince me to go out with this guy that I have known for 7 years but I am still not sure yet I just found out that he doesn't believe in marriage why I don't know but that really bugs me because I want to have that day that it is all about me and you know I want to experience the married life. That is a big problem for if him and I would ever be together because that is important to me to be married not just common-law. I have done that and look where it got me, single lol because there in no commintment at least with a marriage there is one and it is a good thing and hopefully means the same to me as it does to that Mr. Right I hope.
Anyway I miss my baby girl alot but she is with her father and that is a good thing, but it is still hard on me that is for sure. I know she is feeling better so I am happy about that she was some sick for a little while so I am exscatic that she is so much better. I love Alexis I love being with her and just holding her. I don't know where the year has gone I really don't, it seems just like yesterday she was born and I will always remember the look on her father's face how proud he was what happened to that? What happened to what we used to have? Anyway I always seem to find myself depressed when I take the time to think about shit why do I do this to myself I am just hurting myself once again.
I have been working on our new house quite a bit and I love doing it. It is coming right along and tomorrow morning I will be helping my parents put on the roof so that is very exciting. They will be married next weekend and I will finally have an official step dad so that is wonderful too. I am more than lucky to have a wonderful mom and dad and now a step father some people don't get that lucky, but I did.
Anyways that is all for now so I will try to update more often when I have the time that is. I have been extremely busy with the house and the wedding but it will slow back down after everything is done.
G2G Bye!
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
My poor baby...
Hey guys,
Well I have been at mom's and things weren't going too too bad so it was an ok time for me there, maybe it has to do with the fact that they were not home until late at night and Amanda usually stayed in her room so it was just basically Alexis and I. Well I was talking to John on the phone and told him that I didnt think Alexis was feeling good and that she was running a fever so he decided to come out and get us so I could take her in to the outpatients so she could see a doctor well that took forever it was a very long wait and they needed a urine sample from her and well she just wouldn't pee. We took her home and after the 3rd attempt I finally put that bag on her right and caught her pee. John drove me up to the hospital and I watied while they tested it and well they told me to bring her back up and re-register her again so I did that and she saw the doctor, this time it was a different one and she was awesome and treated Alexis for a bladder infection and sent the paper out for her to have an ultrasound.
Alexis still isn't feeling good and she goes for her U/S on her 1st birthday the poor girl so she will have that done on October 10th. I am really hoping there isn't anything wrong with her she has never been this sick and this is her 1st fever she has ever had so I am really worried about her.
John is being nice to me for some odd reason I have no idea why but it is just a weird feeling I have about it. I mean I like it when he is nice for sure but I also liked him when he was hateful and I am just used to him and not scared of him. I have 2 guys interested in me and to tell you the truth I am scared to death of them why I don't know I just am. John is the only one I am not scared of but I used to be as well. I don't want this to stop me from meeting Mr. Right if there is such thing I really don't know anymore I still find myself asking me that question lots of time.
I think I am finally letting go of John I know how happy he is with his new life and he si doing good for himself and he never loved me in the 1st place I was just a fool to think he even did, he should have left me years ago why he didn't is beyond me but he didn't. I loved him more than anything and anyone he was my one true life but maybe he and I both missed out on things being so young when we started and got together so now I am experiencing life the way it is supposed to be and some days are good and others are bad but the one positive thing is I have the most wonderful and beautiful daughter that I could ever ask for so I am so happy to have her because Miss Boo mommy loves you with all her heart!!!!
Anyway well that is my update for now sorry I havn't wrote in a few days I have been getting ready for my mom's wedding which is also very soon and I am excited for her and I hope everything goes wonderful them. The wedding is October 13th. I am off to bed now guys.
Well I have been at mom's and things weren't going too too bad so it was an ok time for me there, maybe it has to do with the fact that they were not home until late at night and Amanda usually stayed in her room so it was just basically Alexis and I. Well I was talking to John on the phone and told him that I didnt think Alexis was feeling good and that she was running a fever so he decided to come out and get us so I could take her in to the outpatients so she could see a doctor well that took forever it was a very long wait and they needed a urine sample from her and well she just wouldn't pee. We took her home and after the 3rd attempt I finally put that bag on her right and caught her pee. John drove me up to the hospital and I watied while they tested it and well they told me to bring her back up and re-register her again so I did that and she saw the doctor, this time it was a different one and she was awesome and treated Alexis for a bladder infection and sent the paper out for her to have an ultrasound.
Alexis still isn't feeling good and she goes for her U/S on her 1st birthday the poor girl so she will have that done on October 10th. I am really hoping there isn't anything wrong with her she has never been this sick and this is her 1st fever she has ever had so I am really worried about her.
John is being nice to me for some odd reason I have no idea why but it is just a weird feeling I have about it. I mean I like it when he is nice for sure but I also liked him when he was hateful and I am just used to him and not scared of him. I have 2 guys interested in me and to tell you the truth I am scared to death of them why I don't know I just am. John is the only one I am not scared of but I used to be as well. I don't want this to stop me from meeting Mr. Right if there is such thing I really don't know anymore I still find myself asking me that question lots of time.
I think I am finally letting go of John I know how happy he is with his new life and he si doing good for himself and he never loved me in the 1st place I was just a fool to think he even did, he should have left me years ago why he didn't is beyond me but he didn't. I loved him more than anything and anyone he was my one true life but maybe he and I both missed out on things being so young when we started and got together so now I am experiencing life the way it is supposed to be and some days are good and others are bad but the one positive thing is I have the most wonderful and beautiful daughter that I could ever ask for so I am so happy to have her because Miss Boo mommy loves you with all her heart!!!!
Anyway well that is my update for now sorry I havn't wrote in a few days I have been getting ready for my mom's wedding which is also very soon and I am excited for her and I hope everything goes wonderful them. The wedding is October 13th. I am off to bed now guys.
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