Hey guy,
It's been a while I have been so busy lately and having a blast living here in Saint John, getting to know the city and lots of ppl it's been good. I have more ppl I am going to meet and I can't wait it just seems lately there isn't enough hours in the day for everything.
I am so excited to start school it isn't funny, things are going so good it is awesome how everything is working out. My life is finally getting back on tract the way it should be. Moving here was the smartest idea that I have ever came up with so I am happy about that and I don't regret anything that has happened in my life.
I have been spending my weekends back home(Sussex) helping my parents renovate their house it has been fun and I really like doing that kind of thing, anything that has to do with hard physical labor I love. Things are going good for my parents and their house is coming along great and lots of ppl have been helping out so that makes a big difference. I did alot of painting and flooring the past weekend so it has been fun and my room is painted the color I kinda wanted it.
Alexis is wonderful she doesn't like to sleep that is the only hard part about it, but during the day she is great. I love being a mom nothing has changed about that and it never will. I am so happy with my life and it just keeps getting better as the days go on. I will continue this later Alexis needs me....
G2G Bye!
Friday, May 23, 2008
Thursday, May 8, 2008
My family...
Hey guys,
As you read this blog you will see that it is about my family hence the title. I decided to write about them bc I miss them and living here in the city now I don't get to see them very often anymore especially my dad he is still always working.
Anyway I will start with my parents who have been wonderful my dad worked long hard hours to support his family and wanted Amanda, James and I to have a great life so he worked 3 jobs to make that happen. I love my dad he taught me so much like how to be a hard worker and how to work for things you want and need and I was the kinda of daughter that was out in the woods with him or out in the hard or in the garage with him working on cars and whatnot. I love spending time with him, my father is an amazing man and he raised us kids right. For that I want to dedicate this song to him... "Daddy's Hands"
Next I will talk about my mom she is awesome and one of a kind you know how you would hear kids say "my mom is cool shit" well it is true that is what my mom is and always have been. We were not grounded as kids and we spent alot of time outside and not in front of the T.V. and I thank her for that I really do. It taught Amanda and I to play and keep ourselves occupied on our own which did alot for me I can't speak for Man but I am sure she feels the same. So here is a song for my mom..."Somebody's Hero"
Next you have my brother James he is 7 years older than me and him and I didn't always get along the best and up untill last year I had no idea why or what I did so I lost it one day and emailed him asking him what makes me different from Amanda and it had nothing to do with that at all. James was jealous of me bc I was my dad's 1st and he adopted James when mom and dad got married therefore he felt left out and jealous of me and he took that out on me. I missed out on alot doing things with my brother and if I could change that I would but I can't so I just have to live with it and accept the fact. James has 2 wonderful boys who I love with all my heart and is now remarried and has been for almost a year now, him and Yumi met outwest although he came back home to be married and then went back outwest. I have not seen him in almost a year and have only talked to him on the phone once in February his bday actually. I see his boys whenever I can and they are doing great and I am happy for them they are getting so big and growing up so fast. Here is the song I send to James and his boys..."I don't call him daddy"
Next would be my sister Amanda she is amazing and I love her so much she has grown into a beautiful young lady and pretty as all go out, she has alot of self confidence that is something I don't have alot of but I am getting better at it slowly. Man has been there through the whole relationship, the breakup everything she has listened to me cry myself to sleep and sometimes she may act like she doesn't care I know she does and since the whole breakup with Jon and Jamie Amanda has been there and we have become closer than ever and I never thought that would happen but it has and I love my little sister and I wish her all the best bc she is great at whatever she does. Here is the song that I have picked out for her..."Sisters"
I am going to talk about my little girl now I love Alexis to pieces I really do without my little girl I can honestly say I don't know where I would be at if I didn't have her in my life. You know it crushes you when you are with someone for 7 years and one day they just look at you and say I wish you were dead that killed me that night I think I would have rather her father stick a knife in me than to say those hurtful words. Alexis is the light of my life I love my baby girl more than anyone or anything in this world and I am doing everything for her I want to give her an awesome life and I want her to look up to me and come to me when something is wrong. I want Alexis to know no matter what takes place over the years she will always be my #1 and I truely mean that. Things may not always be easy when it comes to being a single mom but I try my best and I will continue to do so for Alexis I will always be there for my little girl. Here is the song I thought was best for her..."In my daughter's eyes"
Anyway with all that being said I have a wonderful step family, Clarence is awesome he is a great step father so here is the song for him..."He didn't have to be" My dad's gf is awesome too in her own way, for the longest time she was jealous of Amanda and I but everything seems ok now. I know my dad and her are happy and I am happy for them so that is all what matters.
This is how I am going to end this one, it is late and I am tired and I think I need sleep. My family is very important to me and I don't think I tell them enough like I should. Anyway this chicky boo is off to bed as long as Alexis stays asleep.
G2G Bye!
As you read this blog you will see that it is about my family hence the title. I decided to write about them bc I miss them and living here in the city now I don't get to see them very often anymore especially my dad he is still always working.
Anyway I will start with my parents who have been wonderful my dad worked long hard hours to support his family and wanted Amanda, James and I to have a great life so he worked 3 jobs to make that happen. I love my dad he taught me so much like how to be a hard worker and how to work for things you want and need and I was the kinda of daughter that was out in the woods with him or out in the hard or in the garage with him working on cars and whatnot. I love spending time with him, my father is an amazing man and he raised us kids right. For that I want to dedicate this song to him... "Daddy's Hands"
Next I will talk about my mom she is awesome and one of a kind you know how you would hear kids say "my mom is cool shit" well it is true that is what my mom is and always have been. We were not grounded as kids and we spent alot of time outside and not in front of the T.V. and I thank her for that I really do. It taught Amanda and I to play and keep ourselves occupied on our own which did alot for me I can't speak for Man but I am sure she feels the same. So here is a song for my mom..."Somebody's Hero"
Next you have my brother James he is 7 years older than me and him and I didn't always get along the best and up untill last year I had no idea why or what I did so I lost it one day and emailed him asking him what makes me different from Amanda and it had nothing to do with that at all. James was jealous of me bc I was my dad's 1st and he adopted James when mom and dad got married therefore he felt left out and jealous of me and he took that out on me. I missed out on alot doing things with my brother and if I could change that I would but I can't so I just have to live with it and accept the fact. James has 2 wonderful boys who I love with all my heart and is now remarried and has been for almost a year now, him and Yumi met outwest although he came back home to be married and then went back outwest. I have not seen him in almost a year and have only talked to him on the phone once in February his bday actually. I see his boys whenever I can and they are doing great and I am happy for them they are getting so big and growing up so fast. Here is the song I send to James and his boys..."I don't call him daddy"
Next would be my sister Amanda she is amazing and I love her so much she has grown into a beautiful young lady and pretty as all go out, she has alot of self confidence that is something I don't have alot of but I am getting better at it slowly. Man has been there through the whole relationship, the breakup everything she has listened to me cry myself to sleep and sometimes she may act like she doesn't care I know she does and since the whole breakup with Jon and Jamie Amanda has been there and we have become closer than ever and I never thought that would happen but it has and I love my little sister and I wish her all the best bc she is great at whatever she does. Here is the song that I have picked out for her..."Sisters"
I am going to talk about my little girl now I love Alexis to pieces I really do without my little girl I can honestly say I don't know where I would be at if I didn't have her in my life. You know it crushes you when you are with someone for 7 years and one day they just look at you and say I wish you were dead that killed me that night I think I would have rather her father stick a knife in me than to say those hurtful words. Alexis is the light of my life I love my baby girl more than anyone or anything in this world and I am doing everything for her I want to give her an awesome life and I want her to look up to me and come to me when something is wrong. I want Alexis to know no matter what takes place over the years she will always be my #1 and I truely mean that. Things may not always be easy when it comes to being a single mom but I try my best and I will continue to do so for Alexis I will always be there for my little girl. Here is the song I thought was best for her..."In my daughter's eyes"
Anyway with all that being said I have a wonderful step family, Clarence is awesome he is a great step father so here is the song for him..."He didn't have to be" My dad's gf is awesome too in her own way, for the longest time she was jealous of Amanda and I but everything seems ok now. I know my dad and her are happy and I am happy for them so that is all what matters.
This is how I am going to end this one, it is late and I am tired and I think I need sleep. My family is very important to me and I don't think I tell them enough like I should. Anyway this chicky boo is off to bed as long as Alexis stays asleep.
G2G Bye!
Monday, May 5, 2008
Childhood dreams...
Hey Guys,
Well lately I have been sitting here thinking about lots of things my life mainly and Alexis' future. My life isn't how I seen it in all the dreams and the fantasies I had a little girl.
You know everyone pictures their life I know growing up I imagined my future and wondered what it would be like and this was when I was still in Elementary school so alot of years ago. I seen myself with a husband and with a house full of children always running in and out just like my my little sister and I did. You hear all the songs with the house and white picked fence the good husband caring and always there for you. The kids in tons of sports and that is the kind of mom I really wanted to be. I think everyone as a child thinks about their future.
Ok so here is back to reality no matter how much you dream you can never really know what it is like until you experienced it in real life just like I did. I mean I didn't get married there is no such thing as a perfect husband bc in my opinion I think all guys do the same as long as their is a better looking girl interested in them they will leave. I have a beautiful baby girl I just wish I had a family not just me and her and I get so upset when I see a guy and girl holding hands laughing and the daddy is carrying the baby I just really wanted that and I had it for a few months and felt like on top of world I thought I was living the perfect life boy was I wrong.
I am going to be 23 next month and going to be starting school as long as my loans go through alright(fingers crossed) and I just feel like I am going backwards and I know everything happens for a reason but I still don't know what that is yet... I feel like I am being punished for something I didn't do I was a good gf in all the realatioships I have been in I was faithful and truthful and you know you see the movies, where the wife or gf for my case I guess has supper on the table when the guy comes home from work I love to cook and bake and I guess that is the country girl inside me.
Anyway tonight just got me thinking about that and it has been upsetting everything has lately I guess I am afraid of dying alone I don't want that it is my biggest fear that and being replaced by a guy or my daughter I can't help but think that way. This is all I am going to write tonight for I should try to get some sleep and not think anymore.
G2G Bye!
Well lately I have been sitting here thinking about lots of things my life mainly and Alexis' future. My life isn't how I seen it in all the dreams and the fantasies I had a little girl.
You know everyone pictures their life I know growing up I imagined my future and wondered what it would be like and this was when I was still in Elementary school so alot of years ago. I seen myself with a husband and with a house full of children always running in and out just like my my little sister and I did. You hear all the songs with the house and white picked fence the good husband caring and always there for you. The kids in tons of sports and that is the kind of mom I really wanted to be. I think everyone as a child thinks about their future.
Ok so here is back to reality no matter how much you dream you can never really know what it is like until you experienced it in real life just like I did. I mean I didn't get married there is no such thing as a perfect husband bc in my opinion I think all guys do the same as long as their is a better looking girl interested in them they will leave. I have a beautiful baby girl I just wish I had a family not just me and her and I get so upset when I see a guy and girl holding hands laughing and the daddy is carrying the baby I just really wanted that and I had it for a few months and felt like on top of world I thought I was living the perfect life boy was I wrong.
I am going to be 23 next month and going to be starting school as long as my loans go through alright(fingers crossed) and I just feel like I am going backwards and I know everything happens for a reason but I still don't know what that is yet... I feel like I am being punished for something I didn't do I was a good gf in all the realatioships I have been in I was faithful and truthful and you know you see the movies, where the wife or gf for my case I guess has supper on the table when the guy comes home from work I love to cook and bake and I guess that is the country girl inside me.
Anyway tonight just got me thinking about that and it has been upsetting everything has lately I guess I am afraid of dying alone I don't want that it is my biggest fear that and being replaced by a guy or my daughter I can't help but think that way. This is all I am going to write tonight for I should try to get some sleep and not think anymore.
G2G Bye!
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Closure...
Hey guys,
So you are probably thinking whats up with the title and no worries I am going to tell you. This is something I should have done a while ago and why I didn't I don't know actually.
Anyway as you all know I went out with Jamie and well things were great untill one day he eneded it no explanation no nothing I was like ok that is strange and yes I will admit it hurt me bc I was just through a really bad breakup and didn't want to go through it again which is exactly what happened but let me explain why it hurt so much...
For starters he filled my head with lies Jamie is what you would classify as a player no other words for it really and I am not trying to be mean. For someone to play head games with you, fill your head with dreams and then crush them to me that is just wrong. I tried my best at being a good gf if he wanted or needed money he got it even though we lived 1 hr away from each other I saw him whenever I could and he came over to my place most weekends it was nice having a guy around again. Anyway he ends up telling me that it wasn't me I was good to him he just wasn't ready for a relationship and yada yada yada. He tells my friend that I wasn't smart enough for him, and that he wasn't happy. What I don't get it why he couldn't have just been honest with me I am a big girl I can handle the truth and if I can't than I have problems. Anyway I just got thinking about that tonight and this is what I have come to realize if a guy doesn't like me for me well than that is their lost I am a good person would do anything for anyone, I am kind, caring and sweet. I have a heart of gold and nerves of steel I would have to after everything I have been through I put up with way to much shit and ppl take advantage of me and that isn't what I am looking for. I am not looking for to be a quick fix for someone like I was for Jamie and he knew that from the start I was honest with him bc honesty is the best and I just don't get it maybe I try to hard sometimes but I seriously don't mean anything by it and I don't even realize I am doing it untill it is too late. I am not a doormat and don't want to be treated like one.
Well that is all I am going to say on that topic it is done and over with and between him and Jonathon they have both taught me so much in the past few months and as I say you live and you learn and that is exactly what I have been doing. I have learned so much and continue to learn new things everyday which is great bc when it comes to Alexis dating I will be an expert on guys so she doesn't make the same stupid mistakes as me bc I wouldn't want her to go through the heatache that I went through I don't wish that upon anyone. Anyway that is all I am going to type it is late now and I have to get some sleep. I will write again when I can.
G2G Bye!
So you are probably thinking whats up with the title and no worries I am going to tell you. This is something I should have done a while ago and why I didn't I don't know actually.
Anyway as you all know I went out with Jamie and well things were great untill one day he eneded it no explanation no nothing I was like ok that is strange and yes I will admit it hurt me bc I was just through a really bad breakup and didn't want to go through it again which is exactly what happened but let me explain why it hurt so much...
For starters he filled my head with lies Jamie is what you would classify as a player no other words for it really and I am not trying to be mean. For someone to play head games with you, fill your head with dreams and then crush them to me that is just wrong. I tried my best at being a good gf if he wanted or needed money he got it even though we lived 1 hr away from each other I saw him whenever I could and he came over to my place most weekends it was nice having a guy around again. Anyway he ends up telling me that it wasn't me I was good to him he just wasn't ready for a relationship and yada yada yada. He tells my friend that I wasn't smart enough for him, and that he wasn't happy. What I don't get it why he couldn't have just been honest with me I am a big girl I can handle the truth and if I can't than I have problems. Anyway I just got thinking about that tonight and this is what I have come to realize if a guy doesn't like me for me well than that is their lost I am a good person would do anything for anyone, I am kind, caring and sweet. I have a heart of gold and nerves of steel I would have to after everything I have been through I put up with way to much shit and ppl take advantage of me and that isn't what I am looking for. I am not looking for to be a quick fix for someone like I was for Jamie and he knew that from the start I was honest with him bc honesty is the best and I just don't get it maybe I try to hard sometimes but I seriously don't mean anything by it and I don't even realize I am doing it untill it is too late. I am not a doormat and don't want to be treated like one.
Well that is all I am going to say on that topic it is done and over with and between him and Jonathon they have both taught me so much in the past few months and as I say you live and you learn and that is exactly what I have been doing. I have learned so much and continue to learn new things everyday which is great bc when it comes to Alexis dating I will be an expert on guys so she doesn't make the same stupid mistakes as me bc I wouldn't want her to go through the heatache that I went through I don't wish that upon anyone. Anyway that is all I am going to type it is late now and I have to get some sleep. I will write again when I can.
G2G Bye!
Friday, May 2, 2008
Loving it...
Hey guys,
Well I am finally all moved and still working on the unpacking and cleaning as I go type thing... but I am slowly getting there with it. I just got everything all hooked up today or I would have wrote last night but couldn't unfortunely.
I absolutely love living here in Saint John there is so much to do and so many places to see I love it I can't say that enough! I had such a wonderful day I was awake by 8am Rogers was here to hook my stuff up that took a couple hours and then I went out for a bit came home cleaned uppacked some more and then I just relaxed for a few minutes I was happy to have internet. Then I had some company and my love seat arrived as a few other things did as well. I organized and put that stuff away and then made supper. After supper I was bored so took myself and Alexis exploring it was a fun time and I now know where lots of places are.
Alexis went to bed last night on her own the 1st time in 18 months she loves it here and as I already said I do too. Tonight she also went to sleep again her own it is amazing and I am not complaining I am happy that she is learning to self-soothe herself. Alexis favorite part about my apartment would have to be the huge ass windows I have here she loves to look out them and say hi to all the ppl walking by. I love my little girl she is so commical and just amazing.
Anyway I have to be going I still have lots to do yet. It is late as well but I just wanted to update you all. Ashlee is also on her way here she couldn't make it last night so we are doing girls night tonight:) I will write again when I can.
G2G Bye!
Well I am finally all moved and still working on the unpacking and cleaning as I go type thing... but I am slowly getting there with it. I just got everything all hooked up today or I would have wrote last night but couldn't unfortunely.
I absolutely love living here in Saint John there is so much to do and so many places to see I love it I can't say that enough! I had such a wonderful day I was awake by 8am Rogers was here to hook my stuff up that took a couple hours and then I went out for a bit came home cleaned uppacked some more and then I just relaxed for a few minutes I was happy to have internet. Then I had some company and my love seat arrived as a few other things did as well. I organized and put that stuff away and then made supper. After supper I was bored so took myself and Alexis exploring it was a fun time and I now know where lots of places are.
Alexis went to bed last night on her own the 1st time in 18 months she loves it here and as I already said I do too. Tonight she also went to sleep again her own it is amazing and I am not complaining I am happy that she is learning to self-soothe herself. Alexis favorite part about my apartment would have to be the huge ass windows I have here she loves to look out them and say hi to all the ppl walking by. I love my little girl she is so commical and just amazing.
Anyway I have to be going I still have lots to do yet. It is late as well but I just wanted to update you all. Ashlee is also on her way here she couldn't make it last night so we are doing girls night tonight:) I will write again when I can.
G2G Bye!
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